Giving Thanks For Memories

Facebook has been full of my friends posting day such and such and what they are thankful for. I have so much to be thankful for and don't want to bore everyone with listing all of it. What I do want to acknowledge is my Thanksgiving memories and they probably are no different from most of yours.
One of the best parts of Thanksgiving was family in the kitchen, all cooking those wonderful dishes of food that were tradition for our table. Well, to be exactly correct, the women were in the kitchen cooking. The men folk went hunting in the morning and came back in time to clean the game, clean themselves and sit down to eat.
Mom would cube the bread for the dressing the night before and be sure the fresh sage was dried so it would be easier to add to the dressing. Turkey parts and the 'innards' would be cooked for the broth to make the dressing. I even loved being her taster of the raw dressing on Thanksgiving day to be sure it was seasoned properly, it was that good. Turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, waldorf salad, creamed corn, rich giblet gravy made from the turkey drippings, green bean casserole and I am sure a green vegetable (green bean casserole can't be called a green vegetable) and some sort of congealed salad completed the table. After, there was always pumpkin, pecan and apple pies and probably a cake or two. The food was all made with us bumping in to each other in the kitchen, lots of laughter, and most importantly lots of love. All of it was timed perfectly for when the turkey came out of the oven and we could put the finishing touches on the side dishes and have all on the table at the right time. The anticipation of that all coming together at the right time was part of the fun and excitement of the day. The food was amazingly good and we would sit and eat for what seemed like hours. The food was made in mega quantities because we loved the leftovers for the next week. Finally, all of us squeezed together at the table, still laughing and understanding all the things we had to be thankful for. We laughed a lot. Maybe that is what I remember most.
My memories of those past Thanksgivings are so fresh in my mind this morning as I write this. I am part of a new family now, my late husbands. Their Thanksgivings are different and I have adapted. I would love to make some of the same memories for the younger people in the family that I had growing up. Has the family changed or is it just that times have changed?
Maybe it is time we all got back to those basics of Thanksgiving that many of us have memories of. Maybe, just maybe, it could be the beginning of something good again for us as individuals, for families and for our country.

The Video Would Be Viral

Woke up a bit later than normal this morning, around 6:45, which immediately made me feel behind for the day. I have a routine as most people do when I wake. Bathroom, throw some water on my face, walk down the hall to the kitchen, turn the coffee pot on then out the front door to get the paper from the driveway.

I came back in the house, took the wet (it was raining) plastic bag off the paper and proceeded on to my home office to turn my computer on. Then back to the kitchen, still in a sleepy mode, to pour the first cup of coffee. What happened next would make a video on YouTube go viral.

Hopping spastically (is that a word) around as if he had drank some of my coffee was a little guy who looked just like this:

A DAMN TREE FROG!

I am squeamish about those things for some reason and he was jumping everywhere; the floor, the cabinet, the fireplace hearth, the chair….

WTF do you do? I thought about getting a cup to capture him with. Certainly wouldn’t be my bare hands. In my just woke up, blurry mind I can’t seem to think where I keep my plastic cups that wouldn’t break on the tile floor or the brick hearth.  I am in a short night shirt thingy and just knew he was going to be jumping on my bare skin and that freaked me out. I know….bug spray. Where the hell is the bug spray? Okay, this fly swatter hanging in the pantry will have to do the trick. For a split second I envisioned smooshing him on one of the surfaces of my kitchen with the fly swatter and the mess that would remain for me to clean up. I had not even had my first cup of coffee, I am running around the kitchen with a fly swatter chasing a damn little tree frog that is hopping everywhere and I am thinking about frog guts everywhere.

Finally! WHACK! Whack again. One more whack for good measure. My fly swatter is just a flimsy thing so it didn’t smoosh him but I just knew he must be dead. I got him pretty close to the door leading outside so I use the fly swatter to just fling him a couple times across the floor and out the door, then a good fling to get him off the back step. I see where he landed, belly up, and since it was raining I left him there.

I was telling a friend about the incident because in hindsight it was quite funny and while on the phone walked outside to take a look at the dead frog. He was sitting there looking at me like he was saying “wtf lady, I just came in your house to say hello and you whacked me”. 

The little bastard has hopped off to my driveway now. I just know he is plotting revenge and will be back in my house at some point to scare the shit out of me when I least expect it.

To be continued……

My Kind Of Woman

 

I have been seeing the news clips about Miss Kansas and the ink on her body. Today I saw a more indepth story about her and the dichotomy of her life.

I related to her.

I was raised in a tiny town on the Mississippi River (think Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher) with two brothers and mostly all boys to play with. My mom taught me many lessons but most importantly to always be able to take care of myself in every aspect of my life. Combine that with the things I had to be able to do to have playmates makes that same dichotomy with me. I would build forts in the woods with the boys, shoot guns, play baseball, outrun them but then go inside and play with dolls that weren’t GI Joes. The other thing mom taught me was that if I was going to play with the boys I had to be just as good as them. No special treatment because I was a girl.

The thing I admire the most about Miss Kansas….she has the courage to stand proud, representing her state and most importantly, HERSELF.  In my opinion, she is a great role model for young girls letting them know it is acceptable to be who you are....without twerking of course. I also love the Serenity Prayer and have that framed on a wall in my house.

This is what she had to say in her blog post about it:

“Why am I choosing to bear my tattoos? Reference A; my platform! Empowering women to OVERCOME stereotypes and break barriers. What a hypocrite I would be if I covered the ink. With my platform, how could I tell other women to be fearless and be true to themselves if I can’t do the same? Now, had my platform been something entirely different, maybe the tables would be turned. Maybe. But I am who I am, tattoos and all.”

I absolutely hate to be stereotyped or put in any sort of box. I like that Theresa Vail doesn’t either. I think she would be a great Miss America and a symbol of what an American woman can be today. I will be cheering for her to win.  Much better role model than Miley Cyrus don't you think?

Grace. It Can Be Enough.

All I can say is thank God there was no social media when I was a teen. I would shudder to think of what may be in cyber space about me if that had been the case. It is bad enough to know my friends from then have good memories.

We all make bad decisions in our lives and many times those bad decisions can stay with us for a lifetime. Sometimes I knowingly make bad decisions now and am willing to endure the consequences that brings. Teens don't have the maturity to comprehend that. I made plenty as a teen/early adult and I now know the life events and my reactions to those events led to my decision making. Thank God for that because my mature understanding has allowed me to forgive myself and move forward.

This blog post by a dear friend of mine this morning prompted me to write this. When I read her post it immediately brought to mind a couple people I know. One is a very young girl who is allowed to post provocative pictures of herself on social media. They wouldn't necessarily be provocative for someone of 30 but they surely are for someone so very young. I worry about her.

The second person who came to mind is a friend of mine who has made some of those questionable decisions because of her childhood and is still seeking love and acceptance. She is well over 30 but is still searching. I am trying to give her Grace.

I thank God for the Grace I was given and will give it back any chance I get.
I thank God for the friend who had the courage to write her post today and the Grace she gives to so many.

6 Things On My Anti-Bucket List

 

I found this article very interesting. I am vice chair of an event in a couple weeks where the theme is What Is On Your Bucket List. As the article states, bucket lists have gotten a lot of attention in the past few years and I, like many others, thought about things I would like to experience before I die. Just so you know the top thing on my bucket list is simply to live. That means live my life every single day experiencing everything that day brings in a positive manner. The second thing on my bucket list and probably a bit more conventional thing is to see the Northern Lights. I love the sky and think that would be the ultimate in my book.

An anti-bucket list of things you will not do before you die really made me think. What would I put on that list? I suppose it doesn’t take as much thought as I imagined.

• I won’t do any of the don’ts of the 10 commandments, or at least I will try my best not to.
• I won’t ever again sacrifice who I am for anyone. That is a biggie because it damned near destroyed me once in my life.
• I won’t ever betray a true friend.
• I won’t ever have a closed mind.
• I won’t ever allow my world to be small.
• I won’t ever stop dreaming.

I could go on and on with this list because it really is easier for me to formulate this than a bucket list of to do’s.

 
What is on your anti-bucket list?

Hospice Saved My Life

These questions were asked of me yesterday by two different people:

Why do you work so hard for Hospice?
How do you get over losing the love of your life?

The first question was because of telling someone who didn’t know me well that I had to decline an invitation because I had a commitment for Lower Cape Fear Hospice. The second was a curiosity question from an individual who perhaps thought I should still be wearing a black veil and hiding myself away from society as a widow.

The simple answer to both of these questions is because Hospice saved my life. You probably think of death when you hear or see the word hospice but I don’t.

I think of life!

Hospice took care of my mother until her last breath but more importantly they took care of me. I see so many people really screwed up because of deaths of friends or family and they didn’t address their grief in a healthy manner. I fit that category before Hospice. All my family had died, my dad and my brother very tragically in different accidental deaths.

While mom was a patient of theirs they taught me many things about death and I learned from the experience death can be a beautiful thing. I have a strong Christian faith and now equate death with a birth. With their grief counseling I was able to heal from my loss. Does that mean I don’t miss my mom? Not at all. I will remain her little girl forever and have moments where I still just want my mommy. I was also able to heal from my previous losses and address my feelings about it for the first time instead of just stifling them thinking that is the way it was done.

My husband was not a Hospice patient. He had a double lung transplant and developed complications post surgery that caused his death. Because of our Hospice experience with mom, he and I were able to talk about death openly when he was diagnosed. In the nine months he lived from diagnosis to death, we openly discussed so many things, including his death, because of Hospice. It was not the elephant in the room. From day one of his diagnosis we continued to have hope but we both knew, just knew in our souls, he would not live.

Because of my previous grief counseling with Hospice after mom’s death I thought I would have a good, healthy grieving process when he died. After about 5 months I knew that wasn’t happening and again called them to help me. They did and I understood from them this was different and I needed to deal with it differently. I did with their help and here I am today almost 4 years later with no unresolved issues and mentally healthy with my grief. Yes, there is still grief in a fashion and always will be because we truly did have that perfect love story everyone dreams of. Now I can count my blessings having had that and smile from my soul because of it.

Complicating the grief from my husband, my dear friend died just 3 months later and I was taking care of her prior to her death. I had no time to think about the impact of my husbands death because just a week or so after he died I began caring for her because her children wouldn’t. Had I not asked for help from Hospice at that extremely low point in my life due to grief I am not certain where I would be right now. I don’t believe I would have taken my own life but I may have thought about it because my losses were so overwhelming.

I can very easily say Lower Cape Fear Hospice saved my life and they really are all about living. I would be alive in a physical sense today but mentally I am not certain where I would be. I can confidently say I would really be screwed up in some manner and would have missed so many blessings that have come my way since my husband died. My life with him was a cherished part of my journey. The next steps in my journey will be better because of him and our love but more importantly because Hospice gave me the tools to embrace that, celebrate it and live now, truly live, which in itself is a valuable way of honoring his life and my precious moms life.
Their logo is even a Tree Of Life:
http://www.hospiceandlifecarecenter.org/

Women Should Play Dumb

Wow is all I can say. Well, not all I can say so here goes.
The article below is from a business article I read today. Yes, business article. It was 12 ways to be attractive to the opposite sex or something like that. This was #5. I was admonished by a girlfriend one night in a bar to be more like this description. Yeah....no thanks! If I wanted a fling with you I would just let you know without acting dumb.
Doesn't say much for men but as a certified people watcher, I see it working all the time, even on men I know. Believe me I give them shit for it too.
If I appear quick witted and lucid to you and that is unattractive, I will be glad you just moved along to the dimwitted immature ones.

Women should play dumb if they're looking for a fling.

This one pains us to write. But ladies, if you're looking for a one-night stand, it's best to play it stupid.
In a study published in Evolution and Human Behavior, graduate students at the University of Texas–Austin found that that men were most attracted to women who appeared "dimwitted- or immature," or "sleepy or intoxicated" for a one-night stand (charming).
Women who appeared quick-witted and lucid, on the other hand, were found less physically attractive.
Thankfully, the opposite was true when men were seeking long-term partners.
          
Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-attract-the-opposite-sex-2013-7?op=1#ixzz2c454ubgd

No Farting?

A friend of mine on Google+, has started a fart war with me. It started with a link to a video about farts and now he is tagging me in other fart video’s. I posed a question to him about men/boys and fart humor at the beginning and that started the war. It starts with men/boys in early childhood and continues. I got him back a bit this morning with one of my own about breaking the fart barrier in a new relationship with this video.

Another male friend of mine says he doesn’t want to know women fart or even poop for that matter. He is disgusted at the thought of it. Then there is my absolutely beautiful, feminine girlfriend who told me if she really likes a guy she will let one rip on the 2^nd or 3^rd date to test his reaction. She thinks if he hangs around after that he is a keeper. That could explain why she has a difficult time sustaining relationships.

Is it important to preserve the sexy and pretend you don’t have normal bodily functions?

 

What if the inevitable happens, especially during sex, and that squeaker sneaks out and there was no intent? Oops! No dog to blame it on in bed and if there is, a fart is the least of your problems.

Unplugged Rehab

 

I felt a little like a junky going through rehab this past weekend for 3 straight days. I work in social media so I am online almost 24/7 on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. On those sites I have developed ‘relationships’ and was really beginning to wonder if I was better at cyber relationships than the real thing.

Back to reality this morning and back on all my sites to check out what happened without me. I must be the instigator of social media mischief because my friends just posted boring crap for the most part. Logging in on Monday and commenting on something they posted on Saturday would not have the same impact. Especially if there were cocktails involved on both sides because that is when it gets quite interesting and fun at times.

Since my unplugged from social media hiatus has ended, I am wondering how long it will be before I get back to what was my norm.

Maybe I need more disconnected, long weekends with good diversions to break my habit. I kinda liked it and Facebook survived without me although a bit more boring for my friends.

Solo Footprints

 

 

The beach was a little sparse with people this morning because it was a bit cloudy but there was evidence of people who had been there walking earlier than me.

I saw all the footprints and wondered about the people who made them.  I imagined many of them being made by people walking alone as I was.

What were they thinking while they were walking?

I awoke with a heart full of gratitude this morning just feeling very blessed for the people I have in my life now. Some have been by my side for many years and some for just a short time. That is where my thoughts were.

 

My footprints may have appeared to be solo but in my heart there were many people walking with me.

My Racist Rant

I seem to have some interesting encounters on my morning walks on the local parks walking trail and today was no exception given recent national news.

It was mid-morning and not too many people were around because of the heat. I chose to get a bit more of a workout and add the inner loop to my routine where there are fitness stations. As I was getting ready to work out a young black man of 16-18 years of age approached me.

Was I afraid because there wasn’t anyone around and I was being approached by a young black male? Not at all!

This young man approached me with a smile and said “good morning, ma’am”.

He wasn’t afraid of me either because I was a white woman. He greeted me with respect and I returned it by saying good morning to him and some drivel about how hot and humid it was. I did some pushups and he was near me doing pull-ups on that bar. As I walked away I reminded him to drink plenty of water when he finished and he laughed and said “yes ma’am".

 I walked away as did he.

Change Was Good Today

A Sunday morning ritual that has begun for me is to go to the beach by myself and just be for a couple hours.

This morning when I got there, under beautiful sunny skies, the seas were in a turmoil for no apparent reason. The waters were churning and waves were coming in from all different directions it seemed.

I set my chair down near the water as I normally do and settled in to just be for awhile. It was so relaxing just sitting there listening to the waves and because I had not slept well the night before, I must have begun to doze. The next thing I know I was being soaked by an errant wave that washed almost completely over me. I always keep the belongings I take to the beach in a waterproof bag so the only damage done was about a ton of sand on me up to my chin and in my chair. I chose to sit there and got hit with waves 2 more times a little later before I finally moved my chair back.

Isn’t this kind of like some of us in our own lives? We find what we think is a safe spot of time and all is nice and serene. Then things change and we get blindsided by something that washes over us and deposits something gritty and irritating like the sand was on me.

But we don’t change anything!

We still sit there and the same thing happens again before we finally decide to make a change. I didn’t want to move my chair because it was just easier to sit there even though the wet sand was not necessarily comfortable. Moving back a few feet meant getting up and changing where I was.

We have to do that sometimes in our lives though so we don’t keep piling up that gritty and irritating sand. Change was good today. It made me reflect on other things I may need to change in my life.

Do You Use Your Smart Phone During Sex?

 

According to this article one in ten of my friends do.

 

Is this for real?

 

Wouldn’t even do it if phone was set to vibrate....

 

unless Samsung makes one with a stronger, uhhhh signal, then maybe I would try it.

So What Am I Doing Wrong?

You have probably seen the TV commercials for the Zesty Italian salad dressing featuring the sexy man asking very suggestive questions about using the product he is selling.

One of my girlfriends sent me a picture of someone looking similar to that man standing in her driveway with a water hose running down his half naked body yesterday. She kicked this guy to the curb some time ago but he did his usual drop in to mow her grass and decided to wash both her vehicles while he was there, hence the water hose picture she sneaked. She isn’t even paying him in kind, in trade or whatever for this.

I just came in from mowing my own grass, hot and sweaty, and there wasn’t anyone to even spray me down with a water hose or bring me a cold beverage.

I am doing something wrong!!! I don't think it could be all the Zesty Italian dressing stockpiled in my kitchen.

 

Should You Date Someone You Can't Stalk Online?

 

If a man asks me out who I don’t know well or someone I just met that I am interested in, the very first thing I do is check them out on Facebook then all the other social media sites.

This article asks the question if someone is even date worthy if they don't show up in a Google search.

Since I work in social media and have been using it for centuries now, I think anyone who doesn't at least have a Facebook page is suspect. Then if you can't find them in a Google search what do you do?

I kinda consider myself an expert at finding shit out about people because of my previous career. The real challenge with being this good at stalking is not accidentally disclosing everything you know in a conversation if you do go out with him. More than once I have had to say in a very innocent manner, "oh you told me that the first time we talked".

Maybe I will start a sideline business stalking potential love interests for other people. Good idea?

 

 

 

 

Blocked and Deleted

Do you have those friends on Facebook who post stupid shit you really don’t care about? I think we all do. I have “friends” whom I have blocked from seeing any of my posts because they comment with really lame stuff or I just don’t want them to know my business or how inappropriate I can be at times.

I have blocked other people’s posts from showing up because all they do is whine about something 5 times a day. I can’t sleep. I didn’t sleep well. I am tired, It is raining. The kids have baseball practice, ugh. I sold a house. I listed a house. I did the laundry. I am an idiot! Ok, they really didn’t post that last one.

It isn’t only Facebook where I have deleted or blocked people. I have done it on all the social media sites I am on and yes, I have blocked people and numbers from calling me on my phone.  Most of the blocked numbers have been telemarketers but there have been a couple crazies I had to block.

Have you ever blocked or deleted someone?  Not me of course because I post funny and interesting shit.

Who Wants To Spoil Me?

I have always been a fiercely independent person. Some would even say sometimes to a fault.

I was taught by my mother to always be able to take care of myself in all aspects of my life. That led me to knowing that the people who are close to me are there because I want them not because I need them.

I am rethinking all that!

My schedule today would have been:

Have coffee/breakfast
Gym – have to keep the body looking good
Plan fabulous trip
Lunch
Shop for clothes for trip
Mani/pedi,, massage, facial and Botox injections
Go to the beach
Cocktails
Dinner
Sex

As I have gotten a bit more mature I am now thinking I could be a spoiled rotten, kept woman with that schedule.

Who wants to spoil me?

You Never Give Up Hope

It breaks my heart about the little girl who is getting media attention while awaiting a lung transplant. I know that story all too well and there are many more like her throughout the country - all waiting on that phone call from the transplant team.

You finally get the call and get prepped for surgery and they tell you the lungs aren’t good for you. So you go back to waiting on the next phone call. I did that 4 times with my husband before his transplant. His LAS score was higher than hers, as were others we got to know at Duke in their pre-transplant program.

You never give up hope though.

You worry they will become too sick to get a transplant before lungs are available. There is also no guarantee after the transplant you will survive very long.

You never give up hope though.

A friend recently died waiting for a kidney transplant. This happens every single day to someone.

You never give up hope though.

My husband died 3 weeks after his bi-lateral lung transplant but we never gave up hope… right until the last hours of his life.  

I am using this forum to ask if you have had the discussion with your family about being an organ donor and being sure that it is legally in your final wishes.

 
Give someone else hope!

Love Your Lady Parts?

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5 Extra Pounds of Awesome

 

 I have recently gained an extra 5 pounds of awesomeness. That occurred after my lame attempt to lose 5 pounds to look a bit better in the bikini this summer. (Beer and ice cream may or may not have contributed to that)

Sunday I chose to go to the beach and get a bit of sun on that extra 5 pounds of awesomeness and the additional 5 I didn’t lose. We all know brown fat looks better than white fat so I was going to brown it up a bit to maybe disguise it some.

All you need to do to feel better about yourself is go to the beach. Why in heavens name are we debating on whether to put PE back in school for kids?  Some things I saw made me want to poke my eye out with an oyster shell.  Young women with string bikinis all proudly walking down the beach strand with enough fat hanging over the string part they could have been arrested for being nekkid on the beach. Then I saw the lady who I thought was a parasail washed up. I didn’t even know they made swim suits that size!

 

Now before you start hating on me like Abercrombie and Fitch I am going to compliment these girls/women. They certainly had more confidence than me. I am assuming they were comfortable enough with their awesomeness to flaunt it for all to see on the beach. I was the one stressing about the extra 5 pounds and how I looked.

Maybe my lunch break today will be a beer then a walk on the beach with my awesomeness all out there for the world to see while strutting down the beach trying to walk off that beer and brown up the awesome.

Pity Party of One

 

 

I have had a few back to back shitty days lately including poking a stick in my eye. Shitty mainly because of my own mind though. Typically I will allow myself to sit on a pity pot for an hour or so at a time and then get over whatever has me in a funk. Allowed it to go on for a few days this time for some unknown reason.

That all changed this morning. God kicked me off the pot by putting someone in my path I needed at the right time.

I am a patient/family volunteer with my local Hospice organization because of my personal experiences with them. I met my new patient and family for the first time this morning. The main ‘player’ in this assignment is the daughter. When I pulled in to the driveway she was standing there waiting for me. I saw me on her face and in her eyes, the me from when I was caring for my mom before she died and the me when I was caring for my husband before he died. Only someone who has been there can understand those eyes. Reminded me of the important things and not the crap I have been thinking about.

She said God brought an angel to her this morning in me but what she will never know is that she was the angel God sent to me to tell me to get over myself and any trivial crap that has been on my mind.

I have been in need of a big hug while in my self induced pity party of one. Her hugs this morning were better than anything I thought I needed. I almost backed out of this assignment because I didn’t think my head was right for it. Sure am glad I didn’t.

Blessings are there if we just get outside of ourself. I am glad God keeps reminding me of that because it has brought some special people in my life. Special people like I met this morning whose life pretty much sucks right now because of what she is enduring.

 

Meeting Miss Mary

At the beginning of the trail where I walk is a bench. This morning someone I had seen walking many times was sitting there, head leaned back, completely still. As I approached, reaching for my phone because I thought I may have to call 911, her eyes opened and she smiled at me with absolute radiance. I said good morning and her response was she was just sitting there listening to God’s wonder. Well, I couldn’t just pass by without comment so I replied good morning and told her I was a bit concerned when I saw her sitting so still. She laughed and told me her name was Mary and she had a lot of life left in her.

I just knew this was going to be a conversation I needed to have so I put off my walk and stood there talking to Miss Mary. What I learned about Miss Mary could be lessons for all of us.

      -        She believes in God.

-         Patriotism is important to her. Memorial Day is not a weekend,  it is the last Monday of May and she only celebrates it then no matter what Congress says.

-         She has been on this earth for 82 years. That shocked me because I see her walk most days and she does it at a pretty good pace. She appears to be as fit as me, maybe better. She walks at that pace for about an hour and a half each day. Her face doesn’t say 82 either.

-         She has never eaten fast food.

-         She doesn’t drink soft drinks because they are bad for you.

-         A glass of wine and listening to jazz with her boyfriend is a nightly ritual. I got the impression they may even be living together.

-         She makes out with her boyfriend every night. Her exact words were “passionately kisses” him. I suspect two things by the twinkle in her eye when she told me that; he is younger than her and they have sex frequently.

-         She grows her own vegetables because she doesn’t trust what comes from the grocery store.

 

-    She takes zero medications and is healthy.

I thought I wanted to be Betty White when I grew up but now I think I want to be Miss Mary. She is healthy and fit, makes out every night with her younger boyfriend, drinks good wine, listens to good music and is probably having sex on a regular basis.

Hell, I don’t want to wait until I grow up to be like Miss Mary….I want to be Miss Mary now!!!

Are Men Really So Simple?

 

Are men really so simple minded?

The answer may just be yes.

 

There is the cliché about men not understanding women and all the jokes that seem to go with it.

I had been thinking I didn’t understand men so was sharing my thoughts with a male buddy. He informed me the only thing you need to understand about men is they like titties.  Big, little, store bought, whatever. Nothing else to know.

Is it really that simple?

I Am Going Naked

 

Getting ready for an event filled weekend that requires dressing up a bit is causing me to have to make lot’s of decisions this morning. I will be staying overnight at the event so that means I have to make decisions this morning for 2 days of clothing choices.

Good lord! If guys only knew what went into this process. I knew what I was wearing for the ‘main event’ on the outside. But you then have to choose the right under garments. My outerwear is a bit form fitting so that means you have to have just the right underwear including the right bra so there is no VPL or VBL. We all know what the VPL is but I have to be careful of the Visible Bra Line because my outfit is strapless and you don’t want any of that back fat being shoved upward for all to see. Since I have a pretty eye catching tattoo on my upper shoulder it would draw attention to VBL.

So outerwear and underwear decided. That is only the beginning. You then have to choose the right shoes. This event is resort casual they say. What the hell does that mean anyway? So you dress down your outerwear with the right jewelry and shoes. Stillettos are out so I am going with a 'casual wedge' so I can stand up for the entire evening and be comfortable in my “resort casual” attire.

Outerwear – check
Underwear – check
Shoes – check

Then comes the bag/clutch for your lipstick and cell phone and whatever else you want to take. Big decision after that is jewelry. I may have gone overboard throughout the years buying jewelry because there are too many choices.

Since I have long hair you have to make the decision of what to do with that. Hang straight down, a bit of curl or a low pony tail?

All these decisions are giving me a headache trying to determine what to pack.

I like dressing up but shit fire, can I just wear jeans, tshirt and flip flops? Fuck it....I am going naked. I don’t want to make these decisions this morning.

Friends Without Benefits?

 

 

Can straight men and straight women just be friends without sex being involved? I have had this conversation twice recently and my contribution to the debate was they absolutely could. I was challenged on my view point because I was told all men think about is sex. Well, buckaroo, women probably think about sex just as much as men but sometimes you just don’t let your relationship go there. I actually feel sorry for women who don't have a close male friend. They miss out on a lot of stuff.

I grew up between two brothers in a small town where the only kids near my age were boys. My best friends as a young child were my younger brother and Gary my neighbor. As I got into my teens I hung out with Gary, David and Joe. We were inseparable for a long time and got in to all sorts of mischief together. Because of that I was very good at being just one of the boys. That also meant I endured many belching and farting contests.

Now I have some really good buddies and one of my best friends happens to be male.  I have been asked more than once if we were friends with benefits….uh, nope. We both know that would probably screw up a great friendship so we won’t go there.  There is no agenda behind anything we say to each other which is so refreshing. Sex would get in the way of that.  

This country song kind of sums it up:

One Of The Boys

So yes, you can have close friendships with the opposite sex if you can be just one of the boys. Some women can’t do that because they are too much of a girly girl and can't hang.

Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex who is not gay and you are not having sex with them?

 

Terrorism and One Night Stands

I just read a hilarious blog post written by a guy who hooked up with this chick in a bar and went home with her for a one night stand. All went well until he woke the next morning and prepared to leave doing the typical walk of shame. The problem with that.....it was in Boston when the lock down happened. The news was on when he got up and discovered he couldn't leave her apartment.

I suppose there is another thing we need to be vigilant about during these unsettling times in our country, don't let the beer goggles cloud your vision of that person in the bar too much. You may be required to make a difficult decision....stay with them or risk running into a terrorist!

Sweet Ass and Sweet Home Alabama

April in Wilmington, NC means a big celebration of the azalea plant. The flowers are hopefully in full bloom the 5 days set aside for this celebration. The big deal for those 5 days is something they call the Garden Party where you pay $150 for a ticket to stand outside and drink warm beer and be seen. There is more seersucker there than in Matlock’s closet. Of course, all the women folk must dress up in appropriate dresses and hats – think Kentucky Derby. There is something going on all over the city for the festival. I choose to stay in my own yard to keep from battling all the tourists and drunk locals.

This year I was invited by one of my best friends to the Patron’s Gala at the convention center downtown. That meant getting all dressed up and being her date for the evening. We decided to leave that party and walk in 4 inch heels to a bar where a friend of ours band was playing. It seemed like 27 miles but was probably a little less than one mile…but still 4 inch heels and in semi-formal dresses was quite a trek after a few cocktails. On the way out of the gala we “borrowed” some of their masquerade party decorations.

Most everyone we met on the street was in shorts and flipflops or other suitable southern night, downtown Wilmington attire. You can imagine the looks and comments we got along the way with our formal attire and our masks.

The most memorable comment was from another woman behind me who proclaimed loudly “that is one sweet ass on you baby” and as she and her friends passed us she turned to me and said “I would marry that sweet ass if it were legal in NC” then promptly kissed the woman she was with. I guess she moved on to someone else when I didn’t respond quickly enough.

We finally got to the bar where the band was playing and made our grand entrance in our Azalea Festival finery. It didn’t take long for both of us to be asked to dance and many beers bought for us. One young Marine in particular decided he liked dancing with me and after many shots and beer for him, he decided he was in love with me and wanted to marry me. Wanted to take me back to his Sweet Home Alabama where he informed me he was going to launch his country music singing career.

So there you go. My one Azalea Festival event in many years ended with two marriage proposals and a pseudo red neck bar. If this keeps up I may have an Azalea Festival wedding someday with my own garden party, parade, celebrities, gala, etc.

Bearded Lady

Mariam thinks it is okay to grow a beard! She says in her TV interview it began at age 21 when she gave birth to her son. I do have a couple of those pesky chin hairs, as most women do, but I can tell you the tweezers and magnifying mirror make sure you don't see them.

I happen to be attracted to men with facial hair and always have been. This picture is a bit disturbing to me though and will probably make me spend just a bit more time looking in the magnifying mirror this morning.

Stud or Whore?

So Hugh Hefner has disclosed in this article he has had sex with over 1,000 women. Of course the man is 86 years old and has had a few years to accomplish that.  Do the math.....first sex at 14? Married for 19 of those years and he says he was faithful to those wives. So when you calculate it out, that is almost 20 different women per year for the remaining years.

Guys are probably envious of Hef and would call him a real stud.

My question is if I admitted to the same fete of averaging sex with 20 different men per year would I be considered a whore? Would other women celebrate my prowess like men do Hef?

I have some female friends who freely share stories of their sexual conquests with me. There was even one a few years ago who set out that day to have sex with 4 different men in one day. She reported the next day success in her endeavor. I suspect she may give ol Hef a run for his money with the 1,000 by the time she reaches his age. This is not some bar skank, porn star, hooker or anything else like that. She is a professional business woman. So, answering my own question of whore or not....I can't answer that. I suppose if you just say "oh gawd" enough you don't even have to be concerned about remembering their names.

Before I die I want to......

The month of March is one of anniversaries for me. It is also the beginning of Spring and new life. My anniversaries are of marking time since death, or new life, according to my faith.

It is the anniversary of my late husbands lung transplant that would have given him a few more years of being on this earth with me. It is also the anniversary of his death 3 weeks after the transplant. He taught me and anyone who knew him to live life to the fullest every single moment. He did that until his last breath with the way he lived his life and by celebrating the most ordinary things as something special. 

During the process at Duke of getting a lung transplant you go through an evaluation process for one week to see if you qualify for their program. That process includes the caregiver so I was a part of it. The first day of that process I met a man from Minnesota who had been turned down for a transplant by 3 other hospitals in the country. He had the most beautiful smile in spite of being on copious amounts of oxygen, still struggling to breathe and running out of time. Each day of those couple months of pre-transplant rehab I would say hello to Ray and he would respond that he was doing great, flash that big smile, and continue that he was “just skipping merrily through life”.  Ray died this week 3 years post transplant and I am certain he was still smiling and skipping.

March also marks the anniversary of my sweet mom beginning hospice care until her death in April. That was truly life changing for me and taught me much about living. She was another person who kept a smile on her face until the very end and chose to be present in life until her last breath.

Not one of the 3 people I have acknowledged whined or complained even during some extremely difficult days. They were present in their moments and certainly present in mine. They impacted my thinking and life forever.

A couple weeks ago something showed up on my annual mammogram and I needed a biopsy done. During the waiting for the results of the second mammogram, the ultrasound and then the biopsy, a good friend asked how I could be so calm about it. My response was because of my faith, best case is I die. Second best case is I don’t die and get new perky boobs out of the deal.  Had the results been different and it was cancer, I would remember to live in the moment and not stress about the next.

My husband, my mom and my friend showed me how to die with grace but more importantly they showed me how to live. I was fortunate to be able to share those experiences this week with a large group of people when speaking at a conference.  These 3 peoples lives are still touching others because of the way they chose to live. My parting comment to the audience was to not wait for a diagnosis of impending death to think about living their life.

 

Choose your life and be present in every single moment of it.

Celebrate the ordinary things as something special!

 

 

Still A 12 Year Old?

For the past week or so I have been messaging a girl friend about men, dating, sex, etc. I would love to just copy and paste the messages here to tell the story but won’t to protect my friend. It probably would be very amusing if I did.

One of the conclusions we came to is that no matter our age or maturity, when it comes to ‘boys’ we are still like 12 year old girls passing notes in school to someone we have a crush on. Nothing has changed!  Instead of passing a note in class or the hall we now text.  

It is fun to have a crush on someone at this stage in life but when that happens the 12 year old’s insecurities tend to creep into the thinking. You kind of want to send a note (text) saying “I like you, do you like me?” I suppose that shows my age a bit because now 9 year olds are having more sex than I am and there was the pre-school in California that was shut down because of blow jobs by the students a couple months ago. Probably a 12 year old wouldn’t be sending such an innocent note now. They would be sending a text saying “want to hook up in the closet between classes”.

We all try to be cool and pretend we don’t care but when you have a crush on someone that cool shit goes out the window, at least privately. Then sometimes it isn't really a crush......

Words/Phrases I Want Banned

We all probably have words or phrases that are irritating as hell to us when we hear them.

"You go girl" is one of those phrases for me. I want to ask; "go where?".  Just where would you like for me to go? It is usually in response to something positive so why not just say good job or something like that.

Baby Momma/Baby Daddy - these should be banned from all vocabularies and arrests made if used. Momma and Daddy (Diddy if you are a southern redneck girl) should be terms of endearment and not a biological term. I do not recall those words being in my biology book so stop using them to describe a sperm or egg donor.

Literally is the next word that should be banned from use for anyone who has not looked up the definition in the old Websters. "I literally died when I saw him". My response: "damn, didn't see your obituary in the paper and you look right good for a dead person".

Really is a word I have to confess to using some to end a sentence but I have heard it taken to the extreme. Your friend makes a statement and ends it with "really.....really.....really" with more emphasis on each really. We can agree to use this one and I don't really, really, really want it banned but please stop at the first really.

Do you have any words or phrases that literally irritate the crap out of you, your baby momma, and your baby daddy?

No, She Is A Crack Whore

Do you see these posted on Facebook by your friends all the time?

Did you ever want to comment "No, she is a fucking crack whore with 3 kids and I don't want to be around her"?

Streaming, flaxen, waxen HAIR

So this guy hasn’t cut his hair in 70 years. I couldn’t do that for many reasons. First and foremost, I cannot fathom keeping the same hair style for 5 years let alone 70.

I got my hair done yesterday and for those of you who have followed me here you know I have made some changes in my appearance via my hair in the past couple years. God gave me wild, curly and thick dark brown hair. Years of life has added a couple, uhhhh, let’s just call them natural highlights.

My amazing hair dresser, Kym, has been through all the: cut this shit off, let it grow out, make me look younger, give me lighter hair, give me darker hair, give me highlights, etc.  and never once has she hinted she may fire me as a client. Finally she convinced me to permanently straighten it and I have chosen to grow it longer over the past year or so. Straight, long hair has given me a new attitude and I think only a girl would understand that. Guys have it easy. You can just go get a haircut. Period. Gray hair at your temples or even salt and pepper hair is considered sexy. I happen to think bald is sexy as hell. Girls have it tough and it costs a lot more money. Not fair!

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair.

I thought I wanted to grow my hair just another couple inches and keep it there for awhile but NOOOO. Kym tells me yesterday my frame is too small for any more length. WTF?

So now what do I do with the hair so I don’t get bored and decide to go blonde or just shave it off to extremely short again?

And what is up with guys liking long hair and then not grabbing it and pulling you in for that passionate kiss?

Answers. I need answers to these important questions.