Woke up a bit later than normal this morning, around , which immediately made me feel behind for the day. I have a routine as most people do when I wake. Bathroom, throw some water on my face, walk down the hall to the kitchen, turn the coffee pot on then out the front door to get the paper from the driveway.
I came back in the house, took the wet (it was raining) plastic bag off the paper and proceeded on to my home office to turn my computer on. Then back to the kitchen, still in a sleepy mode, to pour the first cup of coffee. What happened next would make a video on YouTube go viral.
Hopping spastically (is that a word) around as if he had drank some of my coffee was a little guy who looked just like this:
A DAMN TREE FROG!
I am squeamish about those things for some reason and he was jumping everywhere; the floor, the cabinet, the fireplace hearth, the chair….
WTF do you do? I thought about getting a cup to capture him with. Certainly wouldn’t be my bare hands. In my just woke up, blurry mind I can’t seem to think where I keep my plastic cups that wouldn’t break on the tile floor or the brick hearth. I am in a short night shirt thingy and just knew he was going to be jumping on my bare skin and that freaked me out. I know….bug spray. Where the hell is the bug spray? Okay, this fly swatter hanging in the pantry will have to do the trick. For a split second I envisioned smooshing him on one of the surfaces of my kitchen with the fly swatter and the mess that would remain for me to clean up. I had not even had my first cup of coffee, I am running around the kitchen with a fly swatter chasing a damn little tree frog that is hopping everywhere and I am thinking about frog guts everywhere.
Finally! WHACK! Whack again. One more whack for good measure. My fly swatter is just a flimsy thing so it didn’t smoosh him but I just knew he must be dead. I got him pretty close to the door leading outside so I use the fly swatter to just fling him a couple times across the floor and out the door, then a good fling to get him off the back step. I see where he landed, belly up, and since it was raining I left him there.
I was telling a friend about the incident because in hindsight it was quite funny and while on the phone walked outside to take a look at the dead frog. He was sitting there looking at me like he was saying “wtf lady, I just came in your house to say hello and you whacked me”.
The little bastard has hopped off to my driveway now. I just know he is plotting revenge and will be back in my house at some point to scare the shit out of me when I least expect it.
To be continued……