Tuesday, August 20, 2013

6 Things On My Anti-Bucket List

I found this article very interesting. I am vice chair of an event in a couple weeks where the theme is What Is On Your Bucket List. As the article states, bucket lists have gotten a lot of attention in the past few years and I, like many others, thought about things I would like to experience before I die. Just so you know the top thing on my bucket list is simply to live. That means live my life every single day experiencing everything that day brings in a positive manner. The second thing on my bucket list and probably a bit more conventional thing is to see the Northern Lights. I love the sky and think that would be the ultimate in my book.

An anti-bucket list of things you will not do before you die really made me think. What would I put on that list? I suppose it doesn’t take as much thought as I imagined.
  • I won’t do any of the don’ts of the 10 commandments, or at least I will try my best not to.
  • I won’t ever again sacrifice who I am for anyone. That is a biggie because it damned near destroyed me once in my life.
  • I won’t ever betray a true friend.
  • I won’t ever have a closed mind.
  • I won’t ever allow my world to be small.
  • I won’t ever stop dreaming.
I could go on and on with this list because it really is easier for me to formulate this than a bucket list of to do’s.
What is on your anti-bucket list?

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Hospice Saved My Life

These questions were asked of me yesterday by two different people:
Why do you work so hard for Hospice?
How do you get over losing the love of your life?

The first question was because of telling someone who didn’t know me well that I had to decline an invitation because I had a commitment for Lower Cape Fear Hospice. The second was a curiosity question from an individual who perhaps thought I should still be wearing a black veil and hiding myself away from society as a widow.

The simple answer to both of these questions is because Hospice saved my life. You probably think of death when you hear or see the word hospice but I don’t.

I think of life!

Hospice took care of my mother until her last breath but more importantly they took care of me. I see so many people really screwed up because of deaths of friends or family and they didn’t address their grief in a healthy manner. I fit that category before Hospice. All my family had died, my dad and my brother very tragically in different accidental deaths.

While mom was a patient of theirs they taught me many things about death and I learned from the experience death can be a beautiful thing. I have a strong Christian faith and now equate death with a birth. With their grief counseling I was able to heal from my loss. Does that mean I don’t miss my mom? Not at all. I will remain her little girl forever and have moments where I still just want my mommy. I was also able to heal from my previous losses and address my feelings about it for the first time instead of just stifling them thinking that is the way it was done.

My husband was not a Hospice patient. He had a double lung transplant and developed complications post surgery that caused his death. Because of our Hospice experience with mom, he and I were able to talk about death openly when he was diagnosed. In the nine months he lived from diagnosis to death, we openly discussed so many things, including his death, because of Hospice. It was not the elephant in the room. From day one of his diagnosis we continued to have hope but we both knew, just knew in our souls, he would not live.

Because of my previous grief counseling with Hospice after mom’s death I thought I would have a good, healthy grieving process when he died. After about 5 months I knew that wasn’t happening and again called them to help me. They did and I understood from them this was different and I needed to deal with it differently. I did with their help and here I am today almost 4 years later with no unresolved issues and mentally healthy with my grief. Yes, there is still grief in a fashion and always will be because we truly did have that perfect love story everyone dreams of. Now I can count my blessings having had that and smile from my soul because of it.

Complicating the grief from my husband, my dear friend died just 3 months later and I was taking care of her prior to her death. I had no time to think about the impact of my husbands death because just a week or so after he died I began caring for her because her children wouldn’t. Had I not asked for help from Hospice at that extremely low point in my life due to grief I am not certain where I would be right now. I don’t believe I would have taken my own life but I may have thought about it because my losses were so overwhelming.

I can very easily say Lower Cape Fear Hospice saved my life and they really are all about living. I would be alive in a physical sense today but mentally I am not certain where I would be. I can confidently say I would really be screwed up in some manner and would have missed so many blessings that have come my way since my husband died. My life with him was a cherished part of my journey. The next steps in my journey will be better because of him and our love but more importantly because Hospice gave me the tools to embrace that, celebrate it and live now, truly live, which in itself is a valuable way of honoring his life and my precious moms life.
Their logo is even a Tree Of Life:

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Women Should Play Dumb

Wow is all I can say. Well, not all I can say so here goes.
The article below is from a business article I read today. Yes, business article. It was 12 ways to be attractive to the opposite sex or something like that. This was #5. I was admonished by a girlfriend one night in a bar to be more like this description. Yeah....no thanks! If I wanted a fling with you I would just let you know without acting dumb.
Doesn't say much for men but as a certified people watcher, I see it working all the time, even on men I know. Believe me I give them shit for it too.
If I appear quick witted and lucid to you and that is unattractive, I will be glad you just moved along to the dimwitted immature ones.

Women should play dumb if they're looking for a fling.

This one pains us to write. But ladies, if you're looking for a one-night stand, it's best to play it stupid.
In a study published in Evolution and Human Behavior, graduate students at the University of Texas–Austin found that that men were most attracted to women who appeared "dimwitted- or immature," or "sleepy or intoxicated" for a one-night stand (charming).
Women who appeared quick-witted and lucid, on the other hand, were found less physically attractive.
Thankfully, the opposite was true when men were seeking long-term partners.
Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-attract-the-opposite-sex-2013-7?op=1#ixzz2c454ubgd

Thursday, August 8, 2013

No Farting?

A friend of mine on Google+, has started a fart war with me. It started with a link to a video about farts and now he is tagging me in other fart video’s. I posed a question to him about men/boys and fart humor at the beginning and that started the war. It starts with men/boys in early childhood and continues. I got him back a bit this morning with one of my own about breaking the fart barrier in a new relationship with this video.

Another male friend of mine says he doesn’t want to know women fart or even poop for that matter. He is disgusted at the thought of it. Then there is my absolutely beautiful, feminine girlfriend who told me if she really likes a guy she will let one rip on the 2nd or 3rd date to test his reaction. She thinks if he hangs around after that he is a keeper. That could explain why she has a difficult time sustaining relationships.

Is it important to preserve the sexy and pretend you don’t have normal bodily functions?
What if the inevitable happens, especially during sex, and that squeaker sneaks out and there was no intent? Oops! No dog to blame it on in bed and if there is, a fart is the least of your problems.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Unplugged Rehab

I felt a little like a junky going through rehab this past weekend for 3 straight days. I work in social media so I am online almost 24/7 on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. On those sites I have developed ‘relationships’ and was really beginning to wonder if I was better at cyber relationships than the real thing.

Back to reality this morning and back on all my sites to check out what happened without me. I must be the instigator of social media mischief because my friends just posted boring crap for the most part. Logging in on Monday and commenting on something they posted on Saturday would not have the same impact. Especially if there were cocktails involved on both sides because that is when it gets quite interesting and fun at times.

Since my unplugged from social media hiatus has ended, I am wondering how long it will be before I get back to what was my norm.

Maybe I need more disconnected, long weekends with good diversions to break my habit. I kinda liked it and Facebook survived without me although a bit more boring for my friends.