Live Your Life From The Inside Out

This will be a bit different from my other posts in that it is going to be more serious. Okay sort of. It will be real shit from my heart though. 

I have known loss in my life more than most people have. With those losses I have come to know you have to live your own life FROM THE INSIDE OUT.  You can’t live it based on what someone else wants you to be. Those people may not be in your life tomorrow.  If you have allowed someone to change you, it must be from the inside and it must be for the good. The people we allow to change us for the good may not even be the best people in our outside lives but we can and should grow from our experiences with them. 

The sum of who I am today, this very minute, is partly due to the people I have encountered and have chosen to learn from and have become a better me.  It sounds like a very worn out cliché but I really do like me.  I would like to have me as a friend.

Now that you know I like who I am, and my friends say they do, it amazes me that I am told I have to be someone else in the dating arena. I can’t be myself? WTF?  

I like me.

 You like me.

“Don’t be you”.

What?

 “It intimidates men”.  

What?  

 Should I care? Wouldn’t that be like wearing a padded, push up bra and industrial strength Spanx ? You get alone and the real you comes bustin’ right out of there. What then?

I think this pretty much sums it up:   Here I am. I am blessed with some amazing people in my life who really, really love me and have made me a better person. If you want to come on along for the ride, be my guest, but you need to like me today and you have to promise to help make me a better me. There are no games. There is no bullshit. It is what it is. So where is CyberBoy when you need him?

Choose To Live Your Life From The Inside Out!

The Last Half Journey: If it has tires or testicles there’s going to be t...

The Last Half Journey: If it has tires or testicles there’s going to be t...: I have been asked by several people what I am looking for in a man. My list is actually pretty short for what I would like. Haven’t found so...

If it has tires or testicles there’s going to be trouble or why I want a cyber boyfriend

I have been asked by several people what I am looking for in a man. My list is actually pretty short for what I would like. Haven’t found someone who could fulfill half the list yet let alone the entire thing.  I mean really, I am not asking for much. Top on the list is being able to make me laugh. Making me laugh means not laughing at you because of you thinking you are God’s gift to me. Excuse me.  I am the gift here, not you. 

Well, my life has been a bit interesting of late in the men arena.  I have been with (been with not as in been with in bed) a wide range of ages. Older, handsome, successful men who seemed to have a lot going for them and were very nice but just not a spark anywhere.  Much younger, sexy, good looking, (did I mention hot?) didn’t work out so well either.  Well, he fell asleep after having too much to drink.  So much for me not being able to hang with younger people.  I recall a Rolling Stones song, Satisfaction, as in “I can’t get no”.  Did I mention he was very sexy?  Oh wait. Have to move on to describing another man now. This man is nearer my age, but still a bit younger, who I tagged with the name Bad Boy the day I met him, is still in my life. He had the whole hot and sexy thing going on also. Oh my goodness did/does he ever!  I screwed that one up though. I took it to a friendship thing and we are still great friends and I talk to Bad Boy frequently.  As a matter of fact, my fantasies of him serve a great purpose at times and he still makes me laugh during our phone calls.

In addition to those three men there are other stories but I won’t bore you with them, or me again for that matter.  There was the guy who kept telling me all evening how he loved my hair and kept touching it. I guess I should be glad it wasn't a foot fetish.

That brings me back to what do I want besides the previously mentioned making me laugh.  I think the best thing for me would be a cyber boyfriend. Yep, embracing everything techy in my professional life (social media marketing) so may as well be embracing a man that way for my personal life. One thing I have said I do not want is someone up my ass all the time and wanting to spend every minute with me. Cyber boyfriend couldn’t do that. That is a priority on the list so that would be taken care of.  The introduction and initial “dates” could be via Twitter.

The progression of a “relationship” like that as I see it would be:

                                              1.       Sexting

                                              2.       Email

3.       Facebook chat

4.       Phone if things are going well and he isn’t getting too clingy

5.       The next really big step would be Skype. What would that be called, Skexing? I could even do the chair dancing I am learning for him via Skype.

The only thing missing from this is something with an on/off switch or hot and cold controls.  (Ladies if you don’t know about the hot and cold controls let me know)  I do really like kissing a lot so that wouldn’t be there with the cyber boyfriend. I do kiss my girlfriends, with eyes wide open though, so a bit of that would be taken care of. Damn, I like to hold hands too so have to figure that one out. 

I have been wanting a friend with benefits and that hasn’t worked out because inspite of what they say, men have a hard time with that so I think this is the next best thing and I wouldn’t even have to wash the sheets as often.

I tend to label my “boyfriends”, hate that word but don’t know what else to use, so you have to help me come up with a name for him.  Maybe just CyberBoy. That would fit with Bad Boy, Boy Toy, etc.  Comment with a good name for him and I will keep you posted on my social media experiment.

Pole Dancing? Chair Dancing?

I am in a special class to get fit.  No, it isn’t special ed.  It is a small, specialty fitness class that is not only getting us fit but working on being sensual and sexy – for ourselves. The instructor/owner of the fitness center is all about empowering women to feel good about themselves at any and all points in their lives. 

This class has given me a huge appreciation for women who work in “gentlemen’s clubs”. You see, it is a pole and chair dance class. The amount of fitness and strength this takes is so much more than I thought.  I have joked that if my current career doesn’t work out I will hit the clubs in Myrtle Beach with what I am learning.  Remember, I said I “joked” about it. There would have to be a bunch of alcohol to convince me to do that publicly.  Okay, maybe not a bunch of alcohol but there would have to be alcohol involved.

If we allow ourselves we can lose our sexual and sensual self. It isn’t about having someone in your life and it isn’t about pleasuring yourself.  We are a puritan society who says we must cover our bodies and certainly not touch ourselves or if we do you don’t talk about it. I seem to recall boys being told they would go blind if they did or something like that. Never heard that about girls but maybe the belief was girls didn’t do that.  I have digressed and need to get back on track with my beginning thoughts, so….

“Sexuality is a natural part of who we are. We are all sexual beings, although we express our sexuality differently as we grow up. Our sexuality includes our sense of gender, our body image, our sexual orientation, our sexual behaviors, our emotions, and the roles we play in relationships. It is much bigger than what we do and who we do it with.” That is according to Dr. Logan Lefkoff and I agree.  The big part of that statement for me is the body image part. This class certainly helps with that.

The pole and chair dance classes are not only for fitness but they give you permission to move your body in a sensual manner.  Some of us have way too many hang ups about that.  Put some music on at home and sway to it. Just move and pretty soon you may be feeling pretty darned sexy.  Oh yeah, close the blinds first.

Being Single Costs Alot More Money

One of the biggest issues I have with this being single and dating thing is how much it costs. $$$

I have to get myself back in shape physically so you pay for a fitness center. More on the fitness center in another post so be on the lookout for that one! I guess I need to be doing that for myself instead of some hot 36 year old though, right?  It is a great ego boost to have someone that age hitting on me blatantly and then following up.  Sex is a cardio workout, right?  Not saying I had sex with the 36 year old, just asking a question. Remember I don’t kiss and tell anyway.

It also costs more money at the hair salon. My stylist thinks I look better and younger with highlights. I suppose gray roots highlighting my scalp isn’t what she is talking about.  Hair has to be lightened to soften the wrinkles and then highlighted to frame my face or something like that. It may just be a ploy to get more money out of me. Now I look in the mirror and see those gray roots and have to make my appointments closer together. Hence, more money again. 

Then there is the whole Botox, Restylante, chicken fat injection thing.

Haven't resorted to that yet but not saying I won't. 

  

I had to buy going out, club appropriate clothes because pretty much all I had was professional, conservative clothes or slutty, trampy stuff I wore for my late husband behind closed doors. Because of the lower cut tops I had to buy new bras to pull those sinking tata’s up so I actually showed some cleavage. You have to have matching underwear for the bras. That is about $100 a set. Whew! Clothing budget went up.

I could save some money by not eating so much and not drinking so much wine but then that wouldn’t be any fun. I have great friends and I love sharing good food, good wine and good times with them. If it has added a few pounds I will remind myself I look better than some of the age 35 and under women I see. The other thing that I know for certain, without a reminder, is how precious those friends are and they love me even with the fluffiness. That doesn’t cost a thing and it is priceless! Here is to you my friends, let's eat more, drink more and laugh more.

Two things I know for certain, things change and I will be happy. ~ed brooks

Come along with me on the journey I am creating for a magical second half of my life.

2009 and 2010 were life changing years for me. I found myself unemployed from an industry I had a great passion for and the one true love of my life dying from a terrible disease.  I now have the opportunity to create the next chapters of my life using the wisdom and experiences of the previous chapters.

I am embarking on a new career in social media management and marketing with an AWEsome business partner. I believe the way this came about is truly divine intervention.  Nothing else could explain it. I wake each morning with enthusiasm and excitement about what we are doing. Who knew I could sorta, kinda be a geek. We have decided I am the social and networking diva of the company though. That means I get to go out and have fun, drink and meet new people.  Not a bad gig, right? Now you know what I am doing on the professional level with my journey of changes.

Another part of the journey is being a widow. That path doesn’t wake me with enthusiasm and excitement each morning but the path has to be walked anyway.  I had one of those story book loves that very few people get to have in their lives. God put the most amazing man in my life and he taught me more about love than imaginable. Dating again is interesting to say the least.  If you come on this journey with me I will probably provide some giggling and laughter for you while sharing these experiences. No worries for some, I don’t kiss and tell. Well, maybe I will tell but I will refrain from using names to protect the not so innocent.

Take my hand and walk along with me and we will start this journey.

Two things I know for certain, things change and I will be happy. ~ed brooks