Sunday, September 25, 2011

If it has tires or testicles there’s going to be trouble or why I want a cyber boyfriend

I have been asked by several people what I am looking for in a man. My list is actually pretty short for what I would like. Haven’t found someone who could fulfill half the list yet let alone the entire thing.  I mean really, I am not asking for much. Top on the list is being able to make me laugh. Making me laugh means not laughing at you because of you thinking you are God’s gift to me. Excuse me.  I am the gift here, not you. 
Well, my life has been a bit interesting of late in the men arena.  I have been with (been with not as in been with in bed) a wide range of ages. Older, handsome, successful men who seemed to have a lot going for them and were very nice but just not a spark anywhere.  Much younger, sexy, good looking, (did I mention hot?) didn’t work out so well either.  Well, he fell asleep after having too much to drink.  So much for me not being able to hang with younger people.  I recall a Rolling Stones song, Satisfaction, as in “I can’t get no”.  Did I mention he was very sexy?  Oh wait. Have to move on to describing another man now. This man is nearer my age, but still a bit younger, who I tagged with the name Bad Boy the day I met him, is still in my life. He had the whole hot and sexy thing going on also. Oh my goodness did/does he ever!  I screwed that one up though. I took it to a friendship thing and we are still great friends and I talk to Bad Boy frequently.  As a matter of fact, my fantasies of him serve a great purpose at times and he still makes me laugh during our phone calls.
In addition to those three men there are other stories but I won’t bore you with them, or me again for that matter.  There was the guy who kept telling me all evening how he loved my hair and kept touching it. I guess I should be glad it wasn't a foot fetish.
That brings me back to what do I want besides the previously mentioned making me laugh.  I think the best thing for me would be a cyber boyfriend. Yep, embracing everything techy in my professional life (social media marketing) so may as well be embracing a man that way for my personal life. One thing I have said I do not want is someone up my ass all the time and wanting to spend every minute with me. Cyber boyfriend couldn’t do that. That is a priority on the list so that would be taken care of.  The introduction and initial “dates” could be via Twitter.
The progression of a “relationship” like that as I see it would be:
                                              1.       Sexting
                                              2.       Email
3.       Facebook chat
4.       Phone if things are going well and he isn’t getting too clingy
5.       The next really big step would be Skype. What would that be called, Skexing? I could even do the chair dancing I am learning for him via Skype.
The only thing missing from this is something with an on/off switch or hot and cold controls.  (Ladies if you don’t know about the hot and cold controls let me know)  I do really like kissing a lot so that wouldn’t be there with the cyber boyfriend. I do kiss my girlfriends, with eyes wide open though, so a bit of that would be taken care of. Damn, I like to hold hands too so have to figure that one out. 
I have been wanting a friend with benefits and that hasn’t worked out because inspite of what they say, men have a hard time with that so I think this is the next best thing and I wouldn’t even have to wash the sheets as often.
I tend to label my “boyfriends”, hate that word but don’t know what else to use, so you have to help me come up with a name for him.  Maybe just CyberBoy. That would fit with Bad Boy, Boy Toy, etc.  Comment with a good name for him and I will keep you posted on my social media experiment.

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