You Might Be An American Asshole

Remember one of Aesop’s Fables ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’?

The story is about a shepherd boy who constantly yells to the villagers a wolf is attacking his flock. He does this so much to get attention that finally the villagers quit believing him. When a real wolf does attack no one comes to his rescue.

That is what I think is happening today in our culture with people getting all butt hurt over a perceived slight or offense and it gets blown way out of proportion.

White male

Middle class

Black

Jew

Muslim

Catholic

Christian

Thug

Gay

Lesbian

Transgender

Poor

CEO

Rich

Inner city

Women

Fat

Autistic

Liberal

Conservative

Why the labels?

If you are a fat, black, transgender from the poor inner city who worked your ass off and became CEO of a company and became rich and have mainly white males working for you because they were the most qualified and you converted to Judaism, have an autistic daughter and a thug son, you vote conservative but you are an asshole.

You are an ASSHOLE! That is the label you have to own. You don’t even have the right to be offended if someone calls you that because it is the truth. You are an American Asshole! OWN IT!

The rest of the labels should not matter and we have to stop the insanity of using those descriptive labels to pretend to be offended and create a stink about it when the only label should be “asshole”.

Or criminal.

Or rude person.

Or mean person.

Or…..oh well, you get the picture.

We need to have personal accountability and it not matter the color of skin, how we voted, our religion, etc.

I will not intentionally offend someone but then I don’t surround myself with people who limit themselves with that first list of labels. They also are not the kind of people who would pretend to be offended just because it may be the popular thing to do.

Mother's Day Without Mom

Mother's Day is approaching this weekend and for many of us we have had to deal with losing our mothers to death.

My mom died in April so Mother's Day followed shortly after. I needed to pick up a greeting card for a friends approaching birthday that year and had no thought whatsoever when I walked in to the card store other than the birthday card. The clerk immediately said "happy mother's day" to me and at the same time I saw the rack of Mother's Day cards. My heart stopped for a second and I felt like I could not breathe. I practically ran from the store. My pain was still that raw. Then my feeling was that of being pissed off that a clerk in a store would say that to me when I was not her mother and that she caused me so much pain. We all know it wasn't her that caused me the pain that day even though she should not have said it.

Healing took place and the pain was not so raw after that first year and I learned to celebrate my beautiful mom every year on Mother's Day. Part of healing is doing something to honor those we lost. One of her favorite flowers was red geraniums so I began planting a pot of those in celebration of her every year. Yesterday when I went to the garden center to get them the fragrance alone brought back so many wonderful memories.

Before I plant these today I will stick my nose right in the plants and inhale deeply the very distinct smell and feel so blessed for the mom I had. She taught me how to survive, thrive, and blossom just like these hardy geraniums I plant each year and see each day when I go out my backdoor.

Who Was The Real Celebrity?

This past weekend included two annual events I enjoy thoroughly. One of the events includes people I don’t get to see often enough so it is always good to sit and talk with them because 2 or 3 in particular are some of my favorite people. They happen to be “celebrities” with names you would recognize.  One of the things we share is a love for live music and the weekend always includes that via jamming with friends and drinking plenty of adult beverages. I take many pictures during the weekend and some video of the experience. Some get posted to social media but most just stay on my phone so I can look back and recall the good times.

The other event this weekend didn't have names you would know, nor would you even recognize their picture if I posted them. The “celebrities” at this event were military or former military. One of them has had so many surgeries he has lost count. He is blind now and endured other injuries that have changed his life forever. Then there is the soldier who will probably have his leg amputated soon who insisted on attending the event and participating.

That event was a 5k combat mud run started by a retired law enforcement officer and former Army. Every penny his organization raises stays in our community to help our local wounded warriors. He and his volunteers devote countless hours, and I am certain, many of their own dollars to this cause.

For me, the true celebrities haven’t had their face on a TV or movie screen or their name on a record album. They have had their heart and soul under a uniform representing our country with honor. No fame and certainly no fortune for them. They should be who we proudly stand beside to get our picture taken.

The really cool thing….

The 2 or 3 “celebrities” I mentioned at the beginning who I said were some of my favorite people, those people would agree with me. 

Honoring A Great Man And A Great Friendship

For months now I have been trying to come up with some way to honor my late husband Ed on the 5^th anniversary of his death. 

Those 5 year milestones seem to be more important for some reason and I wanted to do something special. I considered having one of our legendary oyster roasts we were famous for in the backyard, some sort of fund raising event to give back to a coastal preservation group he was passionate about or our local non-profit hospice I am passionate about. After all the thinking and debating I still could not come up with anything that seemed just right.

A few weeks ago I still had not thought of anything that resonated with me as the right thing to do when I got a call his best friend, Eli, was very sick. He and Eli met in 1976 when they both moved to Wilmington, NC. When I came in to their picture, I learned to care about and love Eli as a great friend also.

Eli lived about an hour from me and when learning of how sick he was I began going almost daily to his house and doing what I could for him. He was an extremely private and independent man so allowing me to help him was huge. On one of those days he looked at me and said “I dreamed about Ed last night for the first time”. I asked what it was about and he said he didn't remember the entire dream just Ed saying to him “Hey buddy, you want me to take the lead on this or do you want it”. He and I both knew what that meant and we didn't have to even say it.

Eli’s physical state was declining very rapidly and I saw all the signs of impending death. During that time we had many conversations about his affairs and what his wishes were. In one of those he asked if I had any of Ed’s ashes left and I assured him I did. He asked if I would mix some of Ed’s ashes with his and scatter them in what is now called 'Ed’s Field' at the area they hunted in. It was the same place Ed wanted some of his scattered and was done about six months after he died with his hunting buddies present. Eli then asked if I would mix some of Ed’s ashes with his and scatter them in the place the two of them flounder fished more times than could be counted. That request took my breath away for a second. Five years later, that is the only place I have not put Ed’s ashes that he requested. Now, I can mix the ashes of these two great friends, maybe gather up some more of their friends on their boats and celebrate these two individuals lives and how they touched all of us in their own unique and special ways.

When I began taking care of Eli, at the end of his life, I promised him I would hold his hand through this journey and I physically did that constantly. The power of human touch is so incredible and I believe, especially at the end of our lives, just like a mother/child bonding at the beginning of our lives. Holding someone’s hand who is dying is an amazing and beautiful experience. No one should die alone and no one should die without someone holding their hand if at all possible. Being that person is humbling and such an honor.

I was once again reminded of “two things I know for sure; things change and I will be happy”. Things certainly did change with MY plans to honor Ed on this anniversary. His plan and maybe HIS plan was not what I would have chosen. The most amazing and incredible way to show that honor though was to care for his best friend in his last days. I know that it was no coincidence Eli died on the 5^th anniversary of Ed’s bi-lateral lung transplant. Eli knew the significance of that day because your lung transplant anniversary becomes like your birthday, maybe more important. We had talked about it the week before and how we were both surprised it had been 5 years already. He and Ed probably conspired to make it on that day.

So tomorrow will come and it will be the 5^th anniversary of the last day on earth of a great man. I will do something quiet and private because he and Eli already took care of doing something big to celebrate it. 

I can’t top that. 

That in itself makes me happy.

Christmas Memories

This red spiral bound notebook is now a book of memories. It didn't start out that way. It started as a Christmas card list so my late husband and I could list who we sent cards to and who we received them from. Yes, I know this could be done in an online application but not when we began it in 1991.

1991 was our first Christmas together and in that same year we decided to begin something we called our "Egg Nog Tour". That began with us surprising a hand full of friends by showing up at their house with a glass of egg nog and singing them a Christmas carol. Being the first Christmas we were together as a couple, he learned quickly I couldn't sing so in future years we scrapped the singing part. We listed the people whose houses we went to in our red notebook.

The Egg Nog Tour developed the next year in to us making or buying a special ornament for those friends and taking that to them and we also added taking a picture of them around their tree with an assortment of silly Christmas hats we took with us . This was the pre-digital age and it was always fun to get the pictures developed because having surprised our friends we normally found them in their pj's or other comfy, around the house clothes. The next year we would include that picture in their Christmas card. The list grew.

As I mentioned earlier, this was also a list of who we sent Christmas cards to. Each year we would look at the past year and copy the names over and add any new friends we made who we wanted to send a card to. Noted on the top of the page would always be the year. As we would jointly write out our cards and address the envelopes we would look at past years names. Some friends divorced so that made two new entries for the next year. Some moved away so we would end up calling them to just say hello in addition to sending a card. Some died and we would inevitably have a "remember when" moment talking about them. It took some time to complete the task of getting our cards in the mail.

This year was no different for me. I began on the first page headed with the year of 1991. The list for the cards and the Egg Nog Tour was fairly short that year. Just 5 or 6 people on the Tour and maybe 40-50 on the card list. Five years ago was the last time my husband did that with me, just a couple months before he died. While we were doing our cards I wasn't sure he would survive until Christmas but we had such pleasure that year acknowledging our friends with a simple card. We invited those on the Egg Nog Tour list to our house because he wasn't able to make the rounds for the several nights it took to go to their homes. I still get texts from people saying they hung all of our ornaments on their tree. They were pretty cool ornaments.

The list has grown and changed in these past 5 years. I have added some amazing people who are so important to my life to the list. Unfortunately, I have lost too many friends to death so the list didn't grow too much this year. When I look back, all the peoples names on each year's pages, has added something positive to my life. Keeping in touch with them and keeping them in my life is a Christmas gift I give to myself.

There are still plenty of empty pages in the red book and I look forward to filling those up with new people in my life and continuing the names from year to year of those already there.

Merry Christmas friends!

Sustainable Growth.....In Your Life

We read and hear so much about 'sustainable growth' in the news referring to various things, mostly ecologically. I want to talk about sustainable growth in our lives.

So many will only allow themselves to be around like minded people, friend people on Facebook who have their same political views or watch the same news networks. Isn't that like looking in a mirror every day of your life?

I choose something different. I like my own company better than anyone else's but if I only surround myself with people like me how can I learn anything new.

How can I have growth?

Expanding my world is important to me and some of the biggest blessings in my life are the people who are not like me at all. Some of those people are of different races, sexual orientation, religion, political, economic or social status.  I don't care what their family name is, who they slept with last night or who they voted for. I have come to like them for who they are and the interaction with them and my life is much more interesting because they are not like me.

Do yourself a favor in these last days of the year and seek out a couple people to add to your life who aren't like you, even if they are only in your life for a short period of time. 

Put sustainable growth in your life.

Ruts In The Road

Have you ever had a time in your life where you felt like you were in a rut of some sort and just needed to blow the sides off that rut by skidding sideways through it to open it up wider?

I have been in a small rut for a few months and finally recognized it the last couple weeks. It is easy for me to get caught up in helping my friends and that is what has created this rut for me. I created the rut by moving backward and forwards in the same track, over and over. The three friends in particular have all moved beyond what I was caught up in with them. All three almost simultaneously. I was so invested in them and gave them so much of my energy, that combined weight made for a good sized rut.

Normal reaction would be to do something temporarily to give me a spurt of excitement like a vacation or a crazy weekend, but that isn't going to work this time. That would be like your car being stuck in a rut and rocking it back and forth hoping to break out of it. Doesn't work very well. You usually end up in the same spot with some momentary excitement thinking you are breaking free. If you are not careful, sometimes you may even dig a hole inside that rut.

If your life is looked at as a book, the pages have to progress the story to new chapters before the end of the book. Those pages should be interesting and compel you to keep reading (living). My pages were becoming the same words over and over with no progression. No new chapters. That is what a rut does.

I wasn't sure how I needed to break the sides of that rut down or to get to the next chapter this time. What I have decided to do is to open myself up more to new experiences, things I have not previously considered, or just didn't take the time, to see what works to keep my story interesting. That is the only plan. Maybe some of it will just be momentary bits of excitement but hopefully woven together those bits will make a good story. Not just A story but MY story and my story will not be plugging along in a rut.

The journey continues.

Have you ever found yourself in one of these ruts and be willing to share what broke you free from it?

Bob Out

I follow a local business on Facebook because of the incredibly beautiful pictures and video's they post of the beach, early, every single morning with the current weather conditions. I have shared some of those on my own page because they are breathtaking even though they are done with a cell phone. Just hearing the surf and seeing that sunrise starts my day off positively. One of the people who worked there was typically the one who posted them and he would always follow his comments with "Bob Out".

I learned from their Facebook page Monday morning that "Bob Out" had died and from their post surmised he had taken his own life. When I looked at his personal page I was brought to tears.

These were his posts leading up taking his life.

He then posted this picture of his uniform on July 3.

Later that night he posted a selfie in the bathroom mirror of him in his dress blues with the comment; "Semper Fi".

Then the obvious.

He took his own life.

His obituary showed the family wanted memorial donations to go to Iraq & Afghanistan Veterans of America.  I am making some assumptions by that.

His Facebook posts were about a wedding he just attended of a friend, pictures of his dog, pictures of a pear tree with lots of fruit he planted in his yard, pictures and comments about a rabbit who ate grass in his back yard, fishing....normal everyday stuff, mostly all positive.

This part is not political so don't take it that way, his only negative posts were about his health care and pain management.

He gave 14 years to this country as a US Marine until he was medically discharged.

I didn't know this young man, only from his Facebook posts on a business page where he identified himself as Bob Out. I have been very sad since I read about this Monday morning that Bob still had so much internal pain he felt it necessary to end his life. I am sad his pain could not be managed.

Bob Out

Damn You Google!

I have been thinking age and loss of hormones was contributing to not being able to remember anything.

It was a revelation for me today when I realized I don't have to remember anything anymore. If I have forgotten or just didn't know in the first place, all I have to do is Google it. There is no need to put it in my memory bank. My employees, in a former career, used to joke with me that I was a walking encyclopedia of knowledge because I could quote the guideline manuals that governed us, page, verse and chapter, maybe even the revision date on a good day. Not any more.

Who needs to remember a phone number? All you have to do is scroll down your contact list in your  phone and choose the name. You don't have to remember the route to drive because you just use the GPS in your car or on your phone. How many of you have been in a conversation with someone and neither of you can remember something? The first thing one of you do is grab your phone and Google it. Yep. Me, too.

One thing I can do is recite most of the Gettysburg Address that I learned in childhood. Go figure why that is in my memory bank.

As long as there is Google I am okay so I should be saying thank you Google instead of cursing them.
Well, except when I see you and can't remember what the heck your name is and don't have time to scroll through my Facebook friends to find your picture.

Things Changed

March is the month of the year with anniversary dates of losses for me. I celebrate those dates now because of being grateful for having those people in my life for the time I did.

My life has changed dramatically since those milestones. 

My late husband was famous for this: “Two things I know for certain, things change and I will be happy”. He left me and anyone else who knew him with that and it is how he lived his life, even while dying. My life changed in a way I could never have imagined the day I met him and the day he died 20 years later.

The changes that have taken place in my life since have been pretty amazing and God has had me cross paths with some truly great people who will forever be friends and our lives will be shared in some fashion.

My heart is full this morning just knowing how blessed I truly am…..things have changed and I am happy.

Bubbly Orgasm

I typically wake up in a good mood ready to tackle the day. 

Today was no exception to that. This just happened to be one of those typical good mood days - only on steroids.

My good day, attitude on steroids today is solely because good things are happening for friends of mine. They didn't win the lottery or anything like that, just things coming together for them in their lives that they are passionate about.

I expressed my joy on Twitter this morning with a pretty simple good morning Tweet and a follower called me a “bubbly orgasm” in a reply. He happens to be someone I have a cyber crush on so it caught me off guard a bit until I thought about his comment.

The saying that you are as happy as you make up your mind to be is true. Unfortunately, I know people who have a miserable life because they choose it. They seem to thrive on being the poor, down trodden victim. I choose to choose something different.

The friends I mentioned earlier who I was so happy for could be those who do the whoa is me thing because of what has happened in their lives. Financial ruin, drugs, devastating illness or injury in their past has not stopped them from moving forward and embracing life. What I see from each of them is how much they give to others in the pursuit of their passion. They have overcome some incredible odds and are making things happen and making a difference.

Bubbly orgasm? Hell yes! That was a fitting description for how I am feeling right now in my life because of what is going on in my friends lives. I hope you have friends you can have days of bubbly, orgasmic, happiness for!!! 

Giving Thanks For Memories

Facebook has been full of my friends posting day such and such and what they are thankful for. I have so much to be thankful for and don't want to bore everyone with listing all of it. What I do want to acknowledge is my Thanksgiving memories and they probably are no different from most of yours.
One of the best parts of Thanksgiving was family in the kitchen, all cooking those wonderful dishes of food that were tradition for our table. Well, to be exactly correct, the women were in the kitchen cooking. The men folk went hunting in the morning and came back in time to clean the game, clean themselves and sit down to eat.
Mom would cube the bread for the dressing the night before and be sure the fresh sage was dried so it would be easier to add to the dressing. Turkey parts and the 'innards' would be cooked for the broth to make the dressing. I even loved being her taster of the raw dressing on Thanksgiving day to be sure it was seasoned properly, it was that good. Turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, waldorf salad, creamed corn, rich giblet gravy made from the turkey drippings, green bean casserole and I am sure a green vegetable (green bean casserole can't be called a green vegetable) and some sort of congealed salad completed the table. After, there was always pumpkin, pecan and apple pies and probably a cake or two. The food was all made with us bumping in to each other in the kitchen, lots of laughter, and most importantly lots of love. All of it was timed perfectly for when the turkey came out of the oven and we could put the finishing touches on the side dishes and have all on the table at the right time. The anticipation of that all coming together at the right time was part of the fun and excitement of the day. The food was amazingly good and we would sit and eat for what seemed like hours. The food was made in mega quantities because we loved the leftovers for the next week. Finally, all of us squeezed together at the table, still laughing and understanding all the things we had to be thankful for. We laughed a lot. Maybe that is what I remember most.
My memories of those past Thanksgivings are so fresh in my mind this morning as I write this. I am part of a new family now, my late husbands. Their Thanksgivings are different and I have adapted. I would love to make some of the same memories for the younger people in the family that I had growing up. Has the family changed or is it just that times have changed?
Maybe it is time we all got back to those basics of Thanksgiving that many of us have memories of. Maybe, just maybe, it could be the beginning of something good again for us as individuals, for families and for our country.

The Video Would Be Viral

Woke up a bit later than normal this morning, around 6:45, which immediately made me feel behind for the day. I have a routine as most people do when I wake. Bathroom, throw some water on my face, walk down the hall to the kitchen, turn the coffee pot on then out the front door to get the paper from the driveway.

I came back in the house, took the wet (it was raining) plastic bag off the paper and proceeded on to my home office to turn my computer on. Then back to the kitchen, still in a sleepy mode, to pour the first cup of coffee. What happened next would make a video on YouTube go viral.

Hopping spastically (is that a word) around as if he had drank some of my coffee was a little guy who looked just like this:

A DAMN TREE FROG!

I am squeamish about those things for some reason and he was jumping everywhere; the floor, the cabinet, the fireplace hearth, the chair….

WTF do you do? I thought about getting a cup to capture him with. Certainly wouldn’t be my bare hands. In my just woke up, blurry mind I can’t seem to think where I keep my plastic cups that wouldn’t break on the tile floor or the brick hearth.  I am in a short night shirt thingy and just knew he was going to be jumping on my bare skin and that freaked me out. I know….bug spray. Where the hell is the bug spray? Okay, this fly swatter hanging in the pantry will have to do the trick. For a split second I envisioned smooshing him on one of the surfaces of my kitchen with the fly swatter and the mess that would remain for me to clean up. I had not even had my first cup of coffee, I am running around the kitchen with a fly swatter chasing a damn little tree frog that is hopping everywhere and I am thinking about frog guts everywhere.

Finally! WHACK! Whack again. One more whack for good measure. My fly swatter is just a flimsy thing so it didn’t smoosh him but I just knew he must be dead. I got him pretty close to the door leading outside so I use the fly swatter to just fling him a couple times across the floor and out the door, then a good fling to get him off the back step. I see where he landed, belly up, and since it was raining I left him there.

I was telling a friend about the incident because in hindsight it was quite funny and while on the phone walked outside to take a look at the dead frog. He was sitting there looking at me like he was saying “wtf lady, I just came in your house to say hello and you whacked me”. 

The little bastard has hopped off to my driveway now. I just know he is plotting revenge and will be back in my house at some point to scare the shit out of me when I least expect it.

To be continued……

My Kind Of Woman

 

I have been seeing the news clips about Miss Kansas and the ink on her body. Today I saw a more indepth story about her and the dichotomy of her life.

I related to her.

I was raised in a tiny town on the Mississippi River (think Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher) with two brothers and mostly all boys to play with. My mom taught me many lessons but most importantly to always be able to take care of myself in every aspect of my life. Combine that with the things I had to be able to do to have playmates makes that same dichotomy with me. I would build forts in the woods with the boys, shoot guns, play baseball, outrun them but then go inside and play with dolls that weren’t GI Joes. The other thing mom taught me was that if I was going to play with the boys I had to be just as good as them. No special treatment because I was a girl.

The thing I admire the most about Miss Kansas….she has the courage to stand proud, representing her state and most importantly, HERSELF.  In my opinion, she is a great role model for young girls letting them know it is acceptable to be who you are....without twerking of course. I also love the Serenity Prayer and have that framed on a wall in my house.

This is what she had to say in her blog post about it:

“Why am I choosing to bear my tattoos? Reference A; my platform! Empowering women to OVERCOME stereotypes and break barriers. What a hypocrite I would be if I covered the ink. With my platform, how could I tell other women to be fearless and be true to themselves if I can’t do the same? Now, had my platform been something entirely different, maybe the tables would be turned. Maybe. But I am who I am, tattoos and all.”

I absolutely hate to be stereotyped or put in any sort of box. I like that Theresa Vail doesn’t either. I think she would be a great Miss America and a symbol of what an American woman can be today. I will be cheering for her to win.  Much better role model than Miley Cyrus don't you think?

Grace. It Can Be Enough.

All I can say is thank God there was no social media when I was a teen. I would shudder to think of what may be in cyber space about me if that had been the case. It is bad enough to know my friends from then have good memories.

We all make bad decisions in our lives and many times those bad decisions can stay with us for a lifetime. Sometimes I knowingly make bad decisions now and am willing to endure the consequences that brings. Teens don't have the maturity to comprehend that. I made plenty as a teen/early adult and I now know the life events and my reactions to those events led to my decision making. Thank God for that because my mature understanding has allowed me to forgive myself and move forward.

This blog post by a dear friend of mine this morning prompted me to write this. When I read her post it immediately brought to mind a couple people I know. One is a very young girl who is allowed to post provocative pictures of herself on social media. They wouldn't necessarily be provocative for someone of 30 but they surely are for someone so very young. I worry about her.

The second person who came to mind is a friend of mine who has made some of those questionable decisions because of her childhood and is still seeking love and acceptance. She is well over 30 but is still searching. I am trying to give her Grace.

I thank God for the Grace I was given and will give it back any chance I get.
I thank God for the friend who had the courage to write her post today and the Grace she gives to so many.

6 Things On My Anti-Bucket List

 

I found this article very interesting. I am vice chair of an event in a couple weeks where the theme is What Is On Your Bucket List. As the article states, bucket lists have gotten a lot of attention in the past few years and I, like many others, thought about things I would like to experience before I die. Just so you know the top thing on my bucket list is simply to live. That means live my life every single day experiencing everything that day brings in a positive manner. The second thing on my bucket list and probably a bit more conventional thing is to see the Northern Lights. I love the sky and think that would be the ultimate in my book.

An anti-bucket list of things you will not do before you die really made me think. What would I put on that list? I suppose it doesn’t take as much thought as I imagined.

• I won’t do any of the don’ts of the 10 commandments, or at least I will try my best not to.
• I won’t ever again sacrifice who I am for anyone. That is a biggie because it damned near destroyed me once in my life.
• I won’t ever betray a true friend.
• I won’t ever have a closed mind.
• I won’t ever allow my world to be small.
• I won’t ever stop dreaming.

I could go on and on with this list because it really is easier for me to formulate this than a bucket list of to do’s.

 
What is on your anti-bucket list?

Hospice Saved My Life

These questions were asked of me yesterday by two different people:

Why do you work so hard for Hospice?
How do you get over losing the love of your life?

The first question was because of telling someone who didn’t know me well that I had to decline an invitation because I had a commitment for Lower Cape Fear Hospice. The second was a curiosity question from an individual who perhaps thought I should still be wearing a black veil and hiding myself away from society as a widow.

The simple answer to both of these questions is because Hospice saved my life. You probably think of death when you hear or see the word hospice but I don’t.

I think of life!

Hospice took care of my mother until her last breath but more importantly they took care of me. I see so many people really screwed up because of deaths of friends or family and they didn’t address their grief in a healthy manner. I fit that category before Hospice. All my family had died, my dad and my brother very tragically in different accidental deaths.

While mom was a patient of theirs they taught me many things about death and I learned from the experience death can be a beautiful thing. I have a strong Christian faith and now equate death with a birth. With their grief counseling I was able to heal from my loss. Does that mean I don’t miss my mom? Not at all. I will remain her little girl forever and have moments where I still just want my mommy. I was also able to heal from my previous losses and address my feelings about it for the first time instead of just stifling them thinking that is the way it was done.

My husband was not a Hospice patient. He had a double lung transplant and developed complications post surgery that caused his death. Because of our Hospice experience with mom, he and I were able to talk about death openly when he was diagnosed. In the nine months he lived from diagnosis to death, we openly discussed so many things, including his death, because of Hospice. It was not the elephant in the room. From day one of his diagnosis we continued to have hope but we both knew, just knew in our souls, he would not live.

Because of my previous grief counseling with Hospice after mom’s death I thought I would have a good, healthy grieving process when he died. After about 5 months I knew that wasn’t happening and again called them to help me. They did and I understood from them this was different and I needed to deal with it differently. I did with their help and here I am today almost 4 years later with no unresolved issues and mentally healthy with my grief. Yes, there is still grief in a fashion and always will be because we truly did have that perfect love story everyone dreams of. Now I can count my blessings having had that and smile from my soul because of it.

Complicating the grief from my husband, my dear friend died just 3 months later and I was taking care of her prior to her death. I had no time to think about the impact of my husbands death because just a week or so after he died I began caring for her because her children wouldn’t. Had I not asked for help from Hospice at that extremely low point in my life due to grief I am not certain where I would be right now. I don’t believe I would have taken my own life but I may have thought about it because my losses were so overwhelming.

I can very easily say Lower Cape Fear Hospice saved my life and they really are all about living. I would be alive in a physical sense today but mentally I am not certain where I would be. I can confidently say I would really be screwed up in some manner and would have missed so many blessings that have come my way since my husband died. My life with him was a cherished part of my journey. The next steps in my journey will be better because of him and our love but more importantly because Hospice gave me the tools to embrace that, celebrate it and live now, truly live, which in itself is a valuable way of honoring his life and my precious moms life.
Their logo is even a Tree Of Life:
http://www.hospiceandlifecarecenter.org/

Women Should Play Dumb

Wow is all I can say. Well, not all I can say so here goes.
The article below is from a business article I read today. Yes, business article. It was 12 ways to be attractive to the opposite sex or something like that. This was #5. I was admonished by a girlfriend one night in a bar to be more like this description. Yeah....no thanks! If I wanted a fling with you I would just let you know without acting dumb.
Doesn't say much for men but as a certified people watcher, I see it working all the time, even on men I know. Believe me I give them shit for it too.
If I appear quick witted and lucid to you and that is unattractive, I will be glad you just moved along to the dimwitted immature ones.

Women should play dumb if they're looking for a fling.

This one pains us to write. But ladies, if you're looking for a one-night stand, it's best to play it stupid.
In a study published in Evolution and Human Behavior, graduate students at the University of Texas–Austin found that that men were most attracted to women who appeared "dimwitted- or immature," or "sleepy or intoxicated" for a one-night stand (charming).
Women who appeared quick-witted and lucid, on the other hand, were found less physically attractive.
Thankfully, the opposite was true when men were seeking long-term partners.
          
Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-attract-the-opposite-sex-2013-7?op=1#ixzz2c454ubgd

No Farting?

A friend of mine on Google+, has started a fart war with me. It started with a link to a video about farts and now he is tagging me in other fart video’s. I posed a question to him about men/boys and fart humor at the beginning and that started the war. It starts with men/boys in early childhood and continues. I got him back a bit this morning with one of my own about breaking the fart barrier in a new relationship with this video.

Another male friend of mine says he doesn’t want to know women fart or even poop for that matter. He is disgusted at the thought of it. Then there is my absolutely beautiful, feminine girlfriend who told me if she really likes a guy she will let one rip on the 2^nd or 3^rd date to test his reaction. She thinks if he hangs around after that he is a keeper. That could explain why she has a difficult time sustaining relationships.

Is it important to preserve the sexy and pretend you don’t have normal bodily functions?

 

What if the inevitable happens, especially during sex, and that squeaker sneaks out and there was no intent? Oops! No dog to blame it on in bed and if there is, a fart is the least of your problems.

Unplugged Rehab

 

I felt a little like a junky going through rehab this past weekend for 3 straight days. I work in social media so I am online almost 24/7 on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. On those sites I have developed ‘relationships’ and was really beginning to wonder if I was better at cyber relationships than the real thing.

Back to reality this morning and back on all my sites to check out what happened without me. I must be the instigator of social media mischief because my friends just posted boring crap for the most part. Logging in on Monday and commenting on something they posted on Saturday would not have the same impact. Especially if there were cocktails involved on both sides because that is when it gets quite interesting and fun at times.

Since my unplugged from social media hiatus has ended, I am wondering how long it will be before I get back to what was my norm.

Maybe I need more disconnected, long weekends with good diversions to break my habit. I kinda liked it and Facebook survived without me although a bit more boring for my friends.