Are Men Really So Simple?

 

Are men really so simple minded?

The answer may just be yes.

 

There is the cliché about men not understanding women and all the jokes that seem to go with it.

I had been thinking I didn’t understand men so was sharing my thoughts with a male buddy. He informed me the only thing you need to understand about men is they like titties.  Big, little, store bought, whatever. Nothing else to know.

Is it really that simple?

I Am Going Naked

 

Getting ready for an event filled weekend that requires dressing up a bit is causing me to have to make lot’s of decisions this morning. I will be staying overnight at the event so that means I have to make decisions this morning for 2 days of clothing choices.

Good lord! If guys only knew what went into this process. I knew what I was wearing for the ‘main event’ on the outside. But you then have to choose the right under garments. My outerwear is a bit form fitting so that means you have to have just the right underwear including the right bra so there is no VPL or VBL. We all know what the VPL is but I have to be careful of the Visible Bra Line because my outfit is strapless and you don’t want any of that back fat being shoved upward for all to see. Since I have a pretty eye catching tattoo on my upper shoulder it would draw attention to VBL.

So outerwear and underwear decided. That is only the beginning. You then have to choose the right shoes. This event is resort casual they say. What the hell does that mean anyway? So you dress down your outerwear with the right jewelry and shoes. Stillettos are out so I am going with a 'casual wedge' so I can stand up for the entire evening and be comfortable in my “resort casual” attire.

Outerwear – check
Underwear – check
Shoes – check

Then comes the bag/clutch for your lipstick and cell phone and whatever else you want to take. Big decision after that is jewelry. I may have gone overboard throughout the years buying jewelry because there are too many choices.

Since I have long hair you have to make the decision of what to do with that. Hang straight down, a bit of curl or a low pony tail?

All these decisions are giving me a headache trying to determine what to pack.

I like dressing up but shit fire, can I just wear jeans, tshirt and flip flops? Fuck it....I am going naked. I don’t want to make these decisions this morning.

Friends Without Benefits?

 

 

Can straight men and straight women just be friends without sex being involved? I have had this conversation twice recently and my contribution to the debate was they absolutely could. I was challenged on my view point because I was told all men think about is sex. Well, buckaroo, women probably think about sex just as much as men but sometimes you just don’t let your relationship go there. I actually feel sorry for women who don't have a close male friend. They miss out on a lot of stuff.

I grew up between two brothers in a small town where the only kids near my age were boys. My best friends as a young child were my younger brother and Gary my neighbor. As I got into my teens I hung out with Gary, David and Joe. We were inseparable for a long time and got in to all sorts of mischief together. Because of that I was very good at being just one of the boys. That also meant I endured many belching and farting contests.

Now I have some really good buddies and one of my best friends happens to be male.  I have been asked more than once if we were friends with benefits….uh, nope. We both know that would probably screw up a great friendship so we won’t go there.  There is no agenda behind anything we say to each other which is so refreshing. Sex would get in the way of that.  

This country song kind of sums it up:

One Of The Boys

So yes, you can have close friendships with the opposite sex if you can be just one of the boys. Some women can’t do that because they are too much of a girly girl and can't hang.

Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex who is not gay and you are not having sex with them?

 

Terrorism and One Night Stands

I just read a hilarious blog post written by a guy who hooked up with this chick in a bar and went home with her for a one night stand. All went well until he woke the next morning and prepared to leave doing the typical walk of shame. The problem with that.....it was in Boston when the lock down happened. The news was on when he got up and discovered he couldn't leave her apartment.

I suppose there is another thing we need to be vigilant about during these unsettling times in our country, don't let the beer goggles cloud your vision of that person in the bar too much. You may be required to make a difficult decision....stay with them or risk running into a terrorist!

Sweet Ass and Sweet Home Alabama

April in Wilmington, NC means a big celebration of the azalea plant. The flowers are hopefully in full bloom the 5 days set aside for this celebration. The big deal for those 5 days is something they call the Garden Party where you pay $150 for a ticket to stand outside and drink warm beer and be seen. There is more seersucker there than in Matlock’s closet. Of course, all the women folk must dress up in appropriate dresses and hats – think Kentucky Derby. There is something going on all over the city for the festival. I choose to stay in my own yard to keep from battling all the tourists and drunk locals.

This year I was invited by one of my best friends to the Patron’s Gala at the convention center downtown. That meant getting all dressed up and being her date for the evening. We decided to leave that party and walk in 4 inch heels to a bar where a friend of ours band was playing. It seemed like 27 miles but was probably a little less than one mile…but still 4 inch heels and in semi-formal dresses was quite a trek after a few cocktails. On the way out of the gala we “borrowed” some of their masquerade party decorations.

Most everyone we met on the street was in shorts and flipflops or other suitable southern night, downtown Wilmington attire. You can imagine the looks and comments we got along the way with our formal attire and our masks.

The most memorable comment was from another woman behind me who proclaimed loudly “that is one sweet ass on you baby” and as she and her friends passed us she turned to me and said “I would marry that sweet ass if it were legal in NC” then promptly kissed the woman she was with. I guess she moved on to someone else when I didn’t respond quickly enough.

We finally got to the bar where the band was playing and made our grand entrance in our Azalea Festival finery. It didn’t take long for both of us to be asked to dance and many beers bought for us. One young Marine in particular decided he liked dancing with me and after many shots and beer for him, he decided he was in love with me and wanted to marry me. Wanted to take me back to his Sweet Home Alabama where he informed me he was going to launch his country music singing career.

So there you go. My one Azalea Festival event in many years ended with two marriage proposals and a pseudo red neck bar. If this keeps up I may have an Azalea Festival wedding someday with my own garden party, parade, celebrities, gala, etc.

Bearded Lady

Mariam thinks it is okay to grow a beard! She says in her TV interview it began at age 21 when she gave birth to her son. I do have a couple of those pesky chin hairs, as most women do, but I can tell you the tweezers and magnifying mirror make sure you don't see them.

I happen to be attracted to men with facial hair and always have been. This picture is a bit disturbing to me though and will probably make me spend just a bit more time looking in the magnifying mirror this morning.

Stud or Whore?

So Hugh Hefner has disclosed in this article he has had sex with over 1,000 women. Of course the man is 86 years old and has had a few years to accomplish that.  Do the math.....first sex at 14? Married for 19 of those years and he says he was faithful to those wives. So when you calculate it out, that is almost 20 different women per year for the remaining years.

Guys are probably envious of Hef and would call him a real stud.

My question is if I admitted to the same fete of averaging sex with 20 different men per year would I be considered a whore? Would other women celebrate my prowess like men do Hef?

I have some female friends who freely share stories of their sexual conquests with me. There was even one a few years ago who set out that day to have sex with 4 different men in one day. She reported the next day success in her endeavor. I suspect she may give ol Hef a run for his money with the 1,000 by the time she reaches his age. This is not some bar skank, porn star, hooker or anything else like that. She is a professional business woman. So, answering my own question of whore or not....I can't answer that. I suppose if you just say "oh gawd" enough you don't even have to be concerned about remembering their names.

Before I die I want to......

The month of March is one of anniversaries for me. It is also the beginning of Spring and new life. My anniversaries are of marking time since death, or new life, according to my faith.

It is the anniversary of my late husbands lung transplant that would have given him a few more years of being on this earth with me. It is also the anniversary of his death 3 weeks after the transplant. He taught me and anyone who knew him to live life to the fullest every single moment. He did that until his last breath with the way he lived his life and by celebrating the most ordinary things as something special. 

During the process at Duke of getting a lung transplant you go through an evaluation process for one week to see if you qualify for their program. That process includes the caregiver so I was a part of it. The first day of that process I met a man from Minnesota who had been turned down for a transplant by 3 other hospitals in the country. He had the most beautiful smile in spite of being on copious amounts of oxygen, still struggling to breathe and running out of time. Each day of those couple months of pre-transplant rehab I would say hello to Ray and he would respond that he was doing great, flash that big smile, and continue that he was “just skipping merrily through life”.  Ray died this week 3 years post transplant and I am certain he was still smiling and skipping.

March also marks the anniversary of my sweet mom beginning hospice care until her death in April. That was truly life changing for me and taught me much about living. She was another person who kept a smile on her face until the very end and chose to be present in life until her last breath.

Not one of the 3 people I have acknowledged whined or complained even during some extremely difficult days. They were present in their moments and certainly present in mine. They impacted my thinking and life forever.

A couple weeks ago something showed up on my annual mammogram and I needed a biopsy done. During the waiting for the results of the second mammogram, the ultrasound and then the biopsy, a good friend asked how I could be so calm about it. My response was because of my faith, best case is I die. Second best case is I don’t die and get new perky boobs out of the deal.  Had the results been different and it was cancer, I would remember to live in the moment and not stress about the next.

My husband, my mom and my friend showed me how to die with grace but more importantly they showed me how to live. I was fortunate to be able to share those experiences this week with a large group of people when speaking at a conference.  These 3 peoples lives are still touching others because of the way they chose to live. My parting comment to the audience was to not wait for a diagnosis of impending death to think about living their life.

 

Choose your life and be present in every single moment of it.

Celebrate the ordinary things as something special!

 

 

Still A 12 Year Old?

For the past week or so I have been messaging a girl friend about men, dating, sex, etc. I would love to just copy and paste the messages here to tell the story but won’t to protect my friend. It probably would be very amusing if I did.

One of the conclusions we came to is that no matter our age or maturity, when it comes to ‘boys’ we are still like 12 year old girls passing notes in school to someone we have a crush on. Nothing has changed!  Instead of passing a note in class or the hall we now text.  

It is fun to have a crush on someone at this stage in life but when that happens the 12 year old’s insecurities tend to creep into the thinking. You kind of want to send a note (text) saying “I like you, do you like me?” I suppose that shows my age a bit because now 9 year olds are having more sex than I am and there was the pre-school in California that was shut down because of blow jobs by the students a couple months ago. Probably a 12 year old wouldn’t be sending such an innocent note now. They would be sending a text saying “want to hook up in the closet between classes”.

We all try to be cool and pretend we don’t care but when you have a crush on someone that cool shit goes out the window, at least privately. Then sometimes it isn't really a crush......

Words/Phrases I Want Banned

We all probably have words or phrases that are irritating as hell to us when we hear them.

"You go girl" is one of those phrases for me. I want to ask; "go where?".  Just where would you like for me to go? It is usually in response to something positive so why not just say good job or something like that.

Baby Momma/Baby Daddy - these should be banned from all vocabularies and arrests made if used. Momma and Daddy (Diddy if you are a southern redneck girl) should be terms of endearment and not a biological term. I do not recall those words being in my biology book so stop using them to describe a sperm or egg donor.

Literally is the next word that should be banned from use for anyone who has not looked up the definition in the old Websters. "I literally died when I saw him". My response: "damn, didn't see your obituary in the paper and you look right good for a dead person".

Really is a word I have to confess to using some to end a sentence but I have heard it taken to the extreme. Your friend makes a statement and ends it with "really.....really.....really" with more emphasis on each really. We can agree to use this one and I don't really, really, really want it banned but please stop at the first really.

Do you have any words or phrases that literally irritate the crap out of you, your baby momma, and your baby daddy?

No, She Is A Crack Whore

Do you see these posted on Facebook by your friends all the time?

Did you ever want to comment "No, she is a fucking crack whore with 3 kids and I don't want to be around her"?

Streaming, flaxen, waxen HAIR

So this guy hasn’t cut his hair in 70 years. I couldn’t do that for many reasons. First and foremost, I cannot fathom keeping the same hair style for 5 years let alone 70.

I got my hair done yesterday and for those of you who have followed me here you know I have made some changes in my appearance via my hair in the past couple years. God gave me wild, curly and thick dark brown hair. Years of life has added a couple, uhhhh, let’s just call them natural highlights.

My amazing hair dresser, Kym, has been through all the: cut this shit off, let it grow out, make me look younger, give me lighter hair, give me darker hair, give me highlights, etc.  and never once has she hinted she may fire me as a client. Finally she convinced me to permanently straighten it and I have chosen to grow it longer over the past year or so. Straight, long hair has given me a new attitude and I think only a girl would understand that. Guys have it easy. You can just go get a haircut. Period. Gray hair at your temples or even salt and pepper hair is considered sexy. I happen to think bald is sexy as hell. Girls have it tough and it costs a lot more money. Not fair!

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair.

I thought I wanted to grow my hair just another couple inches and keep it there for awhile but NOOOO. Kym tells me yesterday my frame is too small for any more length. WTF?

So now what do I do with the hair so I don’t get bored and decide to go blonde or just shave it off to extremely short again?

And what is up with guys liking long hair and then not grabbing it and pulling you in for that passionate kiss?

Answers. I need answers to these important questions.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

 

 

For work research purposes I set up a pseudo fake Match.com profile recently. There was no photo and I slightly altered some information since I am not serious. It has been a very interesting experiment to say the least. Since I am not a paying, card carrying member of Match I can’t respond to the emails I am getting from those interested in me. It is a ‘look but don’t touch thing’ for me.

In my research I did learn that 50% of the profiles on dating sites have intentional made up shit. Most of those profiles said they wanted honesty and no game playing. Excuse me?

Here are some who should have made up information or pictures. These are from matches sent to me and a friend who pays for the site. These are a cut and paste job so you are seeing it exactly like they put it on their profiles. I did alter the pictures just a bit.

 

I like to bearound people and have good time. I like doing things outdoors,hunten ,fishing ,sports. I like to be with poeple who like being around other poeple.Some people like to drunk & have a good time, but I like to set around and talk and other things.

I want the next person in my to be the god seens me . Because I pick the one.

i am not racing to the finish,i'm enjoying life one slow step of the way. i love my mom(and her cooking). i'm laid back, but definitely not lazy. i dont own a watch, but i'm never late. i'm a beach bum wrapped in the body of a mountain man, or vice versa. i live my life simply with the occasional dive into decadent indulgence. contact me and i'll reply with words of wonder or maybe just some words to ponder.

I'm kind caring,romantic,and I love when I can be interduced to the little girl that resides in every woman........I'm looking for a womanwho's at that age where games are put aside,and let her mate or friend see the real person.

For Fun:
Sit here at home or walk one block to the beach .
Favorite Hot Spots:
When I have the money I like yard sales flee markets.
 
I get emails with my daily matches and it has been very entertaining to say the least to look at some of them. One of the men was gay and just doesn’t know it yet. His interests included Pinterest and he listed Glee as one of his favorite TV shows. Do you think saying he was interested in women was part of his fake profile? There were some good ones I may have been interested in but I am not paying money so there is that.
I have seen all the TV ads for categorized dating sites and in my research online I found a site that specializes in married people who want to cheat on their spouses. WTF? I do not consider myself a naïve person at all but who the hell knew something like that would exist. There is even one for those looking for a sugar daddy or momma.
What do you think, should I pay the money and hook up with guy whose favorite hot spot is the flee market or go for the mountain man sipping on the straw?

Who Is Your Hero?

“Unconsciously we all have a standard by which we measure other men, and if we examine closely we find that this standard is a very simple one, and is this: we admire them, we envy them, for great qualities we ourselves lack. Hero worship consists in just that. Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do. We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.” ~Mark Twain

I have to take this blog to a more serious level today.

I have been thinking about two people I admire the hell out of who I am blessed to call friends. Who they are, what they stand for and their unending courage is why I give them my admiration. Both have been called hero's by others.

The first one is deemed a hero nationally because of what she did to take down a terrorist firing on, killing and wounding many soldiers. She herself was shot. My admiration is there for her courage that day but more so for the courage she is exhibiting right now taking on the Federal government to right a wrong that she won't even benefit from. She has put herself out there as the face for this national campaign risking her security as well as her families just for the right thing to be done. She has proven she won't back down.

The other person is a talk show host who speaks up constantly, on air and off, for what is right and it has cost him dearly at times. He doesn't back down from anyone or anything if it means exposing bad people or bad actions. Sometimes those people are powerful enough to make his life a living hell. He does this a million times over on a daily basis but few know anything about it. I do because he is one of my best friends. He has proven he won't back down.

The term badass has been over used and I am guilty of it myself. My friends are the John Wayne or Clint Eastwood type badasses - they are real and they won't back down from right or the fight that it may require.

I am blessed with so many good people in my life who do good things but these two put it all on the line every single day, for no personal gain, just because it is the right thing to do. In our country today so few people are willing to do that and I believe it is why we have the mess we do. We may hurt someones feelings. We may not be liked. We may lose our job. We may put our life in jeopardy. It may not be PC. Or we are just plain chicken shit and don't have it in us to look beyond ourselves, or won't. My two friends don't think that way. I sure wish there were more like them in America.

Curves and Tattoos

 

 

I thought I was a real badass many years ago by getting my belly button pierced long before anyone else was doing it. I never thought I would want a tattoo but a couple years ago I got one on my foot as a reminder to me that no matter what is going on in life I can choose happiness. I am not sure it really qualifies as a tattoo since it is just two letters.

 

I knew after that first one I wanted another and knew what I wanted. After two years of thinking about it, I did it. This one too has meaning and I think any ink you get should mean something to you. No drunken last minute decisions at Myrtle Beach while on vacation.

 

I debated on whether to show this picture because it is still healing and it will only look better with time. It is also a crappy picture because the location makes it difficult to take the picture. It really is a lot cooler than this depicts.

 

 

 

I think you would be surprised at the people who have tattoos that you just can't see with normal clothes on. Then there are those who have tramp stamps who even at the beach make sure it is covered because they don't want anyone to know they have them. No tramp stamps for me but I do have my next one planned already for next month. My plan also includes the fore thought that no matter where my curves end up in 20 years it will still look good.

 

And then there is this:

Tattoos make naked people more interesting!

 

Do you secretly want one or do you have one you don't want anyone to see, even if you are naked?









Valentine's Day Part Two

 

I did a post last year about Valentine’s Day and thought I would do Part Two this year. Some of you guys can thank me for this like you did the one last year.

I think Valentine’s Day is a lame, contrived holiday for adults. There I said it and it probably will piss off a bunch of women who have fallen for the marketing strategies of retailers, flower shops, restaurants and such. The worth of the man in their life is what happens on Valentine's Day? Really?

Girls, let me tell you. If you are relying on a man to really step up to the plate and do the whole flowers, candy, jewelry, dinner thing you are short changing him. Do you really want a man in your life who does what a retailer tells him to do to show he cares? Wouldn't you rather he come up with some creative ways of expressing that on any given day of the year?

What about April 9? 

April 9^th you say? Yep, just an ordinary day and no special occasion. What happens on that day? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a surprise little something that just says he cares on a nothing day?

Better yet, what do you do for him on Valentine’s Day or April 9^th?

Guys, if Valentine’s Day expectations have you stressed you can refer back to my post last year for some great ideas.

You're welcome.

 

Facebook Dating?

Many months ago my business partner (social media marketing) suggested we use me as a case study for dating using social media. Well, damn if Mark Z hasn't read our minds and all the scuttle butt now is that Facebook is going to be the new and biggest dating site because of their new search feature.

I just stalked myself on my own page to see what my profile and posts would say about me. That was an interesting exercise to say the least.

The first thing I noticed is I would have to post better pictures of myself. I was recently told I was better looking and smaller than I look on Facebook. Figures because many of the pictures were after consuming adult beverages, at a concert where it was 100 degrees and all makeup gone, no makeup to begin with, hair blowing crazy, etc. Another thing is there are none with the famous duck lip thing, none taken in a mirror, none with my boobs hanging out, and none that have been photoshopped which all seem to be essential.

You can determine I am not the "long walks on the beach" person, although I do like that. It seems I just sit on the beach, kicked back with a drink in my hand.

Speaking of drinking, it appears I drink a whole lot more than I really do. Oh wait, I think it may be wine:30 so I need to wrap this up.

I do like gardening, reading, music, traveling, am very patriotic and pretty conservative. My taste in music, books and tv shows are all over the place and pretty eclectic. That all is clear.

My profile doesn't give up much personal information and never has. I have some friends who have changed their relationship status so many times I can't keep up with it. That just seems too high school to me. I don't even show that I am female nor do I use the places thing so you can see where I am at any given moment. That will not bode well for a search engine.

I would not be a good candidate for our companies case study because I am not willing to give up my privacy on Facebook, which is pretty strict, and I am not willing to be guarded about what I post. As I think about it, I am not even into dating much so that just shoots that all to hell.

Single friends - would you use Facebook as a dating site? Single, married, in a relationship or whatever else your profile says, what would your Facebook posts and pictures say about you?

What Not To Text To Women (or just me)

 

I have a Facebook Friend, actually she is a friend of a friend, who is posting about her dating life on her page. It is quite humorous and she even included screen shots of texts last night.

A couple days ago I was thinking of a post for men about what not to text women because of some texts I had just gotten but wanted to put some more thought into it. Don’t know why I wanted to think about it because for those of you who know me personally you know I talk to think. That in itself gets me into all sorts of trouble because random, honest shit just comes out my mouth and even I am surprised sometimes.

If you have sent me a text, don’t get nervous, I am not going to post your texts here, or at least one of you I won’t because I don’t want to set my laptop on fire. Oh my! That would make me turn 50 Shades of Red. Ok, back to the story before I get distracted and send him a text….

After meeting you for one drink we really don’t want or need your “I want you” text. If we had wanted you it would have been more than one drink. You left the bar, had a few more at home, watched some porn and sent text with one hand. No reply and blocked!

I can't speak for all women but I don't want an "I really think I love you" text after seeing you a couple times. I try to be kind with a reply that "I don't want a relationship at this time and maybe you should move along".

It is not only women who do the stereotypical drunk texting. My experience is that men tend to be pretty good at it. I get random texts from this guy I saw a couple times and he is either high, drunk, or nuts. I have to wonder why his thoughts go to me at that particular time, which is kind of spooky if you think about it.

Another tip is don’t send 5 texts the afternoon of a planned meeting saying how much you are looking forward to it. One will suffice as a confirmation. After 5 texts – cancelled date and blocked. You would be the one who would follow up with the “I want you” text and you would be blocked at that point anyway.

I am not admitting to any drunk texting but I did just install an app on my phone that prevents it. I don’t want to risk my texts as a screen shot showing up on someone’s Facebook page. Even with my drunk fingers I have not done any of the above mentioned - at least I don't think so.

Coffee and no alcohol is making me want to throw caution to the wind and text Mr. 50 Shades of Red so I will see you later.

 

Lacy Underwear For Men????

According to this article Versace wants men to wear lingerie.

I really only have one thing to say about this. Guys, if your underwear has lace, you ain't ever goin' to see the lace on mine.

End of story.

What The Freak????

WTF?

 

What the freak just doesn’t do it. You have to say the real word to make you feel better. So what is up with people who really want to say f**k but say freak instead. 

Hasn’t freak become a bad word now because of how it is used? F**k has become so commonplace in our language it is no longer a vulgar word that would get your mouth washed out with soap. It has become so acceptable the Canadian Press has added usage advice in the Canadian Press Caps and Spelling guide.

My friends know I have a potty mouth and a for certain verbal command of the word f**k and know the proper usage and spelling. BUT, is my “potty mouth” any more dirty than people who use freak as a substitute when they mean f**k. Their mind is thinking f**k and the person hearing it knows they mean f**k - so why not just say it?

So, What The Fuck is up with that?